


Keep Your Perspective

by AGJ1990



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22998364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGJ1990/pseuds/AGJ1990
Summary: Sam and somewhat normal life AU. Sam's daughter is waiting for a life saving kidney transplant. In the meantime, Sam struggles with her day to day care.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

The room had been full of visitors every day. The sound of Natalie's hospital monitors didn't even faze him anymore. The first time Natalie had spent a few days in the hospital, Sam hadn't slept for nightmares in which he couldn't get away from the sound of the constant beeps and buzzes and intercom pages. Now, he didn't care. All he cared about was the precious little girl lying on the bed.

Sam and his wife, Jackie, had become accustomed to spending days and nights apart. Sam worked as a night class professor at the local law school, spending almost all of his days with the sick Natalie. Jackie was a nurse in the very hospital they were in now, so she would stop by on her breaks and spend time with Natalie and Sam.

Natalie turned a little on the bed and squeezed her stuffed shark, and Sam's nerves caused him to jump out of the chair. He was standing next to her bed, checking all her monitors, before he realized that Natalie had simply adjusted her position on the bed. She wasn't waking up, she wasn't in distress, she wasn't having a nightmare. Even though the past two years had been spent more in hospitals than at their own home, Sam marveled at Natalie's ability to sleep on a hospital bed. She was as comfortable as she could possibly be there, while Sam still found it impossible to get any rest.

Sam sat at the edge of the bed and took a long look at Natalie. Their lives were at a turning point now, and Sam found himself almost fearing the possibility of having the normal life he'd craved for so long.

Natalie had not one, but two rare conditions. She'd been born with only one kidney. Natalie's pediatrician had told Sam and Jackie, over and over, the first year of Natalie's life, that she was a perfectly normal baby that just happened to not have one of her kidneys. As long as the kidney remained healthy, Natalie had a good chance of living a perfectly normal life.

The problems started after Natalie's first birthday. With Jackie working day shifts at the hospital, and Sam teaching at night, he became the one that changed the majority of diapers. At first, he thought he was just seeing things. Natalie didn't seem too uncomfortable, and was happy and smiling every day. But there was a noticeable decline in the number of diapers Sam changed. Natalie went from five to six diaper changes a day down to three. The diapers Sam did change were either bone dry or so full they were leaking.

Doctor after doctor told Sam the same thing. Every baby was different. Natalie was growing up, and her diaper habits were changing. One doctor had even told Sam that he should be happy about it, as less full diapers usually meant a child was ready for potty training. Jackie, being a nurse, was frustratingly calm about the entire thing, telling Sam he was worrying over nothing.

Things had come to a climax the night before Natalie's second birthday. Sam had finally decided he was being overprotective, and was making an effort to relax. He'd planned out Natalie's birthday party and had all the decorations up, when their lives came to a screeching halt. Natalie woke up, screaming and calling for her daddy. Sam had picked her up and tried to comfort her, but the phrase she kept repeating when he'd accomplished the Herculean feat of calming her down haunted him to that day.

"Hurts lots, Daddy. Hurts lot"

"Hurts lots" was certainly a fitting description of their life from that point forward. Natalie was in the hospital for nearly a week after that, as the doctors tried to find out what was wrong with her. The diagnosis was so simple that Sam had to seriously resist the urge to turn to everyone, from the doctors that had told him Natalie was fine to Jackie, and say 'I told you so'.

Natalie's one kidney was failing.

It was failing slowly but steadily, little by little every day. The doctors had no idea why, and even as Sam adjusted Natalie's blanket that night, there was still no explanation. Natalie had woken up screaming that night because her body held so much waste it couldn't get rid of that Natalie's kidneys were bursting at the seams.

Dialysis, doctor's visits, a seemingly endless mountain of prescriptions and insurance paperwork and phone calls, and a struggle to raise Natalie in as normal a way as was possible with her condition became their life. Sam cut back to two night classes per semester and took on extra work as a grader for several other professors. Jackie kept her full time job as a nurse so that the two of them would have connections at the hospital if Natalie's condition worsened.

Medications and dialysis slowed the progression of Natalie's condition immensely. But, for Sam, it was almost like slow torture. While Natalie was doing slightly better day to day, she was still getting worse and worse as time went on. The worst was the fatigue. Natalie was so tired some days that she slept upwards of twelve hours or more. Sam had to force her to wake up to eat meals or bathe or work on her schoolwork. The ultimate goal in Natalie's treatment was a kidney transplant.

But even the kidney transplant came with complications. The doctors had adamantly refused to perform a kidney transplant until Natalie was at least fifty pounds and six years old. She just wasn't, in their opinion, strong enough to survive surgery until she reached that age and weight. Another problem came with the fact that Natalie was adopted. She was the biological daughter of Jackie's best friend, who'd been struck by a drunk driver while out taking a walk at nine months pregnant. Jackie had begged Sam to become Natalie's foster parents, and keep her until they found a family for her. Sam, who was already attached to Natalie after a mere few hours with her, had shocked Jackie with his response of _she's already found a family._ Natalie's biological mother, Tina, had no other family of her own, so finding a match from a biological family member was out.

"Hey."

Sam jumped and was surprised that he didn't wake Natalie. "You scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry."

"You done for the night?"

"Yep." Jackie said. She handed Sam a cup of coffee that was in her hand. "I brought you this. Had a feeling you weren't sleeping."

"Thanks."

"How's she doing?"

"She fell straight to sleep." Sam said. "The doctor came to see me a couple hours ago. She goes in for surgery at eight."

"That soon?" Jackie asked, checking the clock. It's not even been half a day."

"He said they had to go on and do it. The longer they wait, the less viable the kidney is."

"Wow." Jackie smiled. "Just think. Everything's about to change."

Before Sam could respond, a small voice came from the bed. "Mommy?"

"Hey, you." Jackie said. "How you feeling?"

"Did Daddy tell you?"

"He did. You go into surgery in a little bit. You scared?"

"No." Natalie said, though she squeezed her shark, a sure sign to both her parents that she was scared.

"I know you're a big brave girl, but can I lay down with you?" Jackie asked.

"Daddy? You too?"

"You got it, kiddo."

Once the three of them were lying down, Natalie started picking at her stuffed shark. The clock was winding down to the time for the surgeon to come in, and Natalie was trying her best to put up a brave front.

"Hey. How you feeling?" Jackie asked again. "You sure you're not scared?"

"I've had surgery before, Mommy." Natalie said. "It doesn't scare me."

"Well, talk to me. Please. What's going on in your head?"

"I just don't want to be sick anymore."

"I have an idea." Jackie said. "Natty, tell me something. What is the first thing you're gonna want to do?"

"When?"

"When you get out of the hospital? Come on, think of something. Anything you want to do that you couldn't do before."

"We'll do it?"

"We'll see." Sam said. "We'll see if we can."

"Think about it. You want to go on a vacation? You want to go out to eat somewhere? Maybe ice cream? Come on, tell me."

"I don't want to hurt Daddy's feelings."

A surprised Sam sat up slightly and looked down at Natalie. "You don't want to hurt my feelings? What does that mean?"

"With what I want to do. Once I'm better."

"What is it, honey? You can't know if you don't ask."

"I want to go to school." Natalie said. "Real school. With other kids."

Sam and Jackie took a look at each other. Sam had homeschooled Natalie from the time she started kindergarten. It was much easier for Sam to keep her at home and organize her education on top of her medical condition and his own job rather than pulling her in and out of school. Sam knew she wanted friends, that she wanted to be around other kids that weren't sick like her, but it just wasn't practical. Not then, anyway.

"Hey. Look at me."

Natalie looked up towards Sam, daring herself to be hopeful.

"If you promise me that after your surgery's over tomorrow that you'll work hard on your recovery, and if there's no complications from it that make the doctor say it's not a good idea, then we'll enroll you in school in the fall."

Natalie smiled. "You promise?"

"Promise." Sam said.

"You wouldn't miss me?" Natalie asked. "I could stay home if you want me to."

"If that's what you want, baby, that's what we'll do." Sam said. "I will miss you at home, but if that's what'll make you happy, I'm happy."

The minutes seemed to tick by faster and faster from that point. Half an hour before eight, the surgeon came in. As Natalie was prepped and Sam and Jackie took turns holding her hand, Sam was suddenly bombarded with flashbacks. He knew almost every moment of Natalie's seven years of life so far, and they were all flooding back.

_Four Years Old_

" _Daddy?"_

_Sam looked up from his lesson plans, down to Natalie, who for once was feeling fine. Her color was good, she wasn't nauseous or hurting, and she was actually wanting to play. Sam had sent her outside a few minutes before to play, promising to come out with her when he was done preparing for his class that night._

" _I'm coming in just a minute, sweetie. Promise."_

" _Can I ask you a question first?"_

" _Of course. What is it?" Sam asked, sorting his notes together as he talked._

" _What's a kidney?"_

_Sam stopped what he was doing immediately. "What was that?"_

" _What's a kidney?"_

" _Why do you want to know, baby?"_

" _I heard you and Mommy talking while you were making me lunch." Natalie said._

_Sam could've, as Dean would've put it, kicked his own ass at that point. He'd called Jackie while making Natalie's peanut butter and jelly for lunch. Jackie hadn't answered, and Sam had simply left a voicemail asking if Jackie had heard anything about a trial medication for kidney failure he'd seen on an ad in the middle of a magazine. Apparently, Natalie had not only been listening, but her little brain had been turning ever since._

_Sam picked up Natalie and sat her on the kitchen counter. Natalie was a little afraid at first. Daddy sat her up here when he had to talk to her about something serious, and usually it was when she was in trouble for something. Sam explained that she wasn't in trouble, he just wanted to show her something. He pointed at her back, and explained that her kidney was located back there. It was supposed to take all the bad stuff out of your body and clean it when you went to the bathroom. Sam prayed she wouldn't ask what she asked next. But Natalie was smart, and that brain continued to turn._

" _But I don't have to go to the bathroom a lot."_

" _I know." Sam said._

" _So, you were asking Mommy about a medicine for my kidney."_

" _That's right." Sam told her. As much as he dreaded it, he decided now was as good a time as any to tell Natalie the truth. "Most people are born with two kidneys, but for some reason you only have one. And the one you have…"_

" _Doesn't work."_

" _It works a little, but not like it's supposed to."_

" _Is that why I have to go to the doctor so much?"_

" _Yes." Sam said. "That machine the doctor uses? It cleans your blood like your kidneys are supposed to."_

" _So, if my kidney worked, I wouldn't have to do that?" Natalie asked. "I wouldn't get sick like that after we get home?"_

_Sam's heart twisted. Natalie dreaded going to dialysis. She put on a brave front when they were leaving, but after nearly every session, she went to bed crying because of an upset stomach. On the worse nights, she'd vomit and have no appetite for at least a day afterwards. Natalie had never refused to go, but there had been times where, if the consequences for not going hadn't been so dire, Sam might have refused to take her._

" _Yes, baby. That's right."_

" _And is that why I can't always eat what you and Mommy and everybody else eats?"_

_Again, another heart twisting for Sam. He and Jackie did everything they could to eat Natalie's diet so she wouldn't feel excluded. But with her list of restrictions, it was nearly impossible to completely cut everything out, and there were times Sam had to deny her simple pleasures and it killed him._

" _That's right."_

" _Why can't they fix me?" Natalie asked._

" _The doctors are working on it." Sam explained. "You have to get a little bigger before we can try it, but you'll have an operation one day. We're going to look for someone with two healthy kidneys, who has the same type of blood as you do, and see if they're willing to give one to you so the doctor can take out your bad one and replace it."_

" _And I'll be able to stop going to the doctor so much? And stop being tired and sick all the time?"_

" _If it works, yes."_

_Natalie didn't say anything else, and Sam watched her digest the information. He expected more questions, but all Natalie asked was,  
_

" _Can we go play now?"_

It was the moment of truth. Natalie was in her gown, prepped and ready for surgery. Sam had though he was prepared for this moment, but he wasn't. Natalie's main doctor, Dr. Emerson, stopped just outside the door to the OR.

"Okay, guys. I'm going to double check and make sure everything's ready. You've got two minutes."

"Thanks." Sam said.

"Thank you." Jackie said.

"Listen, Jackie, I hope you understand what I said about not watching the surgery…"

"I get it. You're right." Jackie said. "I'll stay with Sam."

Dr. Emerson headed towards the operating room, as Sam and Jackie took their positions next to Natalie. Both Sam and Jackie were well trained on smiling when they were terrified, so the smiles on their face hid the terror going through them.

"Hey, girlie. How you feeling? You sure you're not scared? Not even a little bit?" Jackie asked.

"I'm a big girl, Mommy. I'm not scared."

"You are a big girl." Sam said, offering Natalie a kiss on the cheek. "And Mommy and I are very proud of you."

"I'm not scared." Natalie repeated. "But Polo is."

Sam and Jackie shared a look, carefully hiding a smile. Polo was Natalie's stuffed shark, that she was still holding underneath her arm, and Natalie often claimed that he was scared when she didn't want to admit she was scared herself.

"Well, Daddy, I guess we need to say something to Polo so he's not scared."

"I guess so." Sam said. "What should we say, Nat?"

Natalie shrugged.

"Well, I would tell Polo" Jackie said, turning the battered shark towards her so she could look in his eye, "that in a minute, you two will be going to sleep, and that the second you wake up, Mommy and Daddy will be the first thing you see."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Sam and Jackie said together.

"Alright, folks." Dr. Emerson had come back out of the operating room. "We ready to go?"

"Nat, you ready?" Sam asked.

"Ready."

"Mom, Dad, one last kiss and 'I love you'." Dr. Emerson prompted.

Jackie leaned down and kissed Natalie's cheek. "I love you, kitten. Daddy and me are right out here waiting for you. Okay?"

"Okay, Mommy. Love you too."

Sam took his own turn. "Love you, kitten."

"Love you, Daddy."

"Okay. Let's go."

Natalie was wheeled into the operating room, leaving Sam and Natalie standing there in the hallway, holding on to each other. It occurred to them both that it was the first time they'd been alone in months, and despite both of their assurances to Natalie earlier, they were both scared and uncertain of what the future held.

"Let's go sit. She'll be in there a while." Sam suggested.

Coffee didn't help, breakfast didn't help. For Sam, the minutes crawled by, and for Jackie, it was the same. Jackie, who had worked all night the night before, eventually fell asleep with her head in Sam's lap, leaving Sam to sort through more memories and battle his struggling feelings.

_Six Years Old_

" _Daddy! Daddy! Look!"_

_Sam turned from the stove and smiled. Natalie had just comeback from a playdate with a mom from the homeschool group Sam attended with her every week. Sam was learning to let go of Natalie a little more. Let her play with other kids, let her do things when she felt up to it that he'd been reluctant to do before. It made Natalie happier, and though it increased his anxiousness, in the end it made Sam happier too._

" _What's up, kiddo?" Sam asked as Natalie gave him a hug. He took the paper from her that Natalie was so excited about. "What's this? Hey, Janice."_

" _Hi, Sam. Thanks for letting Natalie come over today."_

" _Was she good?" Sam asked. His heart sank as he read the paper-a birthday party invitation._

" _She was an angel." Janice said. "The best playdate we've ever had."  
_

" _Daddy, can I go? Please, please, please?" Natalie begged._

" _Baby, I'm sorry. You can't. You have dialysis that day."_

_Natalie's shoulders slumped, and Janice appeared regretful. "Sam, I'm sorry. We should've talked to you first…"_

" _It's okay." Sam assured her. "Thank you for the invite, but she can't miss that appointment."_

" _No, it's not okay!" Natalie objected. "Daddy…"_

" _We'll talk about this in a minute." Sam said. "Janice…"_

" _Yeah. We'll go. I'm sorry." She said again._

" _Daddy, please."_

" _Natalie, hold on, honey." Sam turned off the pot on the stove and knelt down to Natalie. "Honey, I'm sorry, but you can't miss your appointment."_

" _I've never been to another kid's birthday party before. Daddy, please, please let me go."_

" _No." Sam said, firmly but not without compassion. "Honey, I'm sorry. I know you want to do this, but we can't miss your appointment."_

" _We can go do it at the hospital that night." Natalie said. "Dr. Emerson said we could if we needed to."_

" _That was only in an emergency." Sam pointed out. "If you were sick on a day when you weren't supposed to have a treatment."_

" _Can we ask him? Call him and see if we can go Sunday instead of Saturday?"_

_Sam wanted so badly to say yes. He wanted to tell Natalie she didn't have to go, that she could wait until her Monday treatment. He wanted to give her that two hours to be a kid, to play around with a group of other kids and have fun, rather than having to be at the dialysis center with a needle sticking out of her as a machine cycled her blood and cleaned it. Feeling like a true bastard for denying this to Natalie, but having no other choice, Sam swallowed back a lump and told her again._

" _No. You can't go. I'm sorry. If you're feeling up to it, we can go to the park Sunday…"_

" _NO!" Natalie screamed._

" _What is going on in here?"_

_Natalie pulled away from Sam and ran to her mother, clinging to her leg and blubbering in a way that Jackie couldn't understand._

" _Natalie, calm down, honey. What's going on?" Jackie asked._

" _She got an invitation to a birthday party Saturday." Sam explained. "I told her she couldn't go because of her appointment."_

" _Oh." Jackie frowned. "Honey, I'm sorry, but Daddy's right. You have to go…"_

_Natalie pulled away, stood in the middle of the kitchen and let out another scream. Sam and Jackie were stunned. Though she was seven years old, Natalie had never thrown a full blown tantrum. She was like any other child, and at times refused to do as she was told, didn't act very nicely, and did other childish things. Sam didn't hesitate to act. He grabbed both of Natalie's arms and spoke clearly, his voice firm and decisive._

" _Natalie, you have two choices. Calm down and listen to me or get sent to your room for the rest of the night. What's your choice?"_

_Natalie continued to fight against her father, trying to get away and continue her tantrum. Sam tried another warning, but when Natalie still continued, Sam did something he'd only done a few times before. He swatted Natalie, three times, just hard enough to finally force her to pay attention._

" _Natalie, stop it. Stop it and stop it now. Are you ready to listen to me?"_

" _Daddy…"_

" _No. Listen to me or go to your room for the rest of the night. What's it going to be?"_

" _I'll listen." Natalie said._

" _I get that you are frustrated. I know you why you want to go to this party. I do understand. I am not saying no to be mean. But we can't move your appointment. The dialysis center is full, and if we don't go when we're supposed to, you do not get treated. If you don't get treated, you get sicker. Do you understand?"_

" _I'm gonna get sick anyway. Why can't I at least have some fun first?"_

_Sam nearly faltered. He couldn't deny it. Natalie never failed to be nauseous and achy after dialysis. It had been a grueling process for the entire three years Natalie had gone. She'd be treated, be okay for two to four hours, then be sick that night and sometimes into the next morning. Her doctors had tried to give her medication to lessen the severity of her side effects, but it still happened every time._

" _I know you'll be sick, honey. I know. And I wish I could do something to stop you from being sick afterwards. But if we miss your appointment, you will get even sicker. I'm sorry, baby. You can't go. Okay?"_

_Natalie nodded. "Okay."_

" _One more thing." Sam said. "You can be as mad at me as you want. You are allowed to be angry, you are allowed to be frustrated, you are allowed to feel however you feel. But you are not, for any reason, allowed to scream at me or your mother. If you do it again, I don't care how mad you are or how bad you're feeling, you will sit in time out. If you keep doing it, you will get a spanking. A lot more than the three swats I just gave you. Do you hear me?"_

" _Yes, Daddy."_

" _Do you have something to say to me and your mother?"_

" _I'm sorry."_

" _I forgive you. Mommy?"_

" _Apology accepted."_

" _Okay." Sam gave Natalie a hug, but it didn't escape his attention that she didn't return it. Attempting to cheer her up, he pointed to the pot on the stove. "I'm making your favorite."_

" _Chili?" Natalie asked._

" _Yep."_

" _Thanks." Natalie said with no enthusiasm._

" _Why don't you go wash up? You want to help me plan next week's dinner?"_

" _Sure."_

" _Go ahead." Sam said. "Dinner in ten minutes."_

_Natalie left to go to the bathroom and wash her hands, sniffling on the way out. Sam and Jackie eyed each other, neither one speaking. Sam stood up and went to finish up, then decided to follow Jackie out to the bathroom. What he overheard twisted his heart all over again._

" _I just want friends, Mommy."_

" _What about Erica? The girl you went on a playdate with today? She seemed nice."_

" _She's mean to me."_

" _What do you mean she's mean to you?"_

" _She picks on me 'cause I don't go to school and I'm sick all the time. She pokes my scar on my arm."_

" _Why didn't you tell Daddy that when he asked if you wanted to go?"_

" _He was so happy I was going to play with somebody that I didn't want to hurt his feelings." Natalie said. "She only invited me to her birthday party because her mommy made her."_

" _I'm sorry, honey."_

" _I'm never gonna get better." Natalie said, crying again. "I'll always be sick and I'll never get to be a normal kid."_

" _Shh. Listen to me, sweet girl. That is not true. You will get better one day. We will find that special person that Daddy and I told you about. You just have to hang on until we do, okay?"_

" _You keep saying that."_

" _I know. I know it's hard to believe that sometimes. But we will." Jackie promised. "If Daddy and I could give you ours, we'd do it in a heartbeat."_

" _I'm tired of this, Mommy. I'm tired of being strong all the time when I don't feel it."_

_Sam didn't think it was possible for him to feel worse about telling Natalie she couldn't go to the party. But that did it. Natalie never, ever complained about her illness. She cried when she was sick or hurting, but she'd never expressed such displeasure about what her life had given her. No longer able to stand at the door listening, Sam stepped inside the small bathroom, where Jackie was sitting on the edge of the bathtub with the distraught Natalie in her lap. Sam reached up and wiped Natalie's face._

" _I'm sorry. I didn't know Erica was a bully. Did she hurt you?"_

" _No. Just picks on me." Natalie said._

" _You don't have to play with anyone that picks on you. Okay?" Sam said. Natalie nodded, and Sam continued, "And you don't have to be strong all the time either. You're still a brave kid, no matter what. Braver than me or mommy ever could be."_

" _Really?"_

" _You bet." Jackie said. "Daddy and I could never have gone through what you've been through."_

" _You feeling better?" Sam asked. "It's okay if not."_

_Natalie shook her head and made a confession she'd been afraid to make. "I'm lonely, Daddy. The only friends I have are all grown-ups. Everybody we meet my age is either mean to me or scared of me. I'm tired of being all by myself."_

"Sam?"

Sam was knocked out of his daydream by Jackie, who he didn't realize had woken up. "What?"

"What are you thinking?"

"About Natalie."

"What about?"

"Just thinking about her being able to be a kid…I was about to say again, but I guess for the first time, really."

"Can you imagine? Being able to let her do stuff? She's gonna be so excited!" Jackie said with a big smile.

"We can't hope for that yet." Sam said. "We need to get through surgery first."

"Sam, come on…"

"Sorry." Sam said. "Just feeling a little guilty."

"Guilty? For what?"

"Just can't help but think about the times I yelled at her."

"Sam? What are you talking about?" Jackie asked, sitting up. "You never yell at her."

"The fight about the birthday party last year?" Sam pointed out. "The one where she pigged out on the French fries and chocolate milk two weeks ago?"

"Sam. Stop. You are a fantastic Dad."

"Thanks. I can't help it, though."

"Sam, when she told you she was lonely you got her a dog." Jackie said. "Most dads would've had no clue what to do about that."

"I lost it with her over the food she snuck at the party."

"Because you were scared." Jackie reminded him. "And you apologized to her and meant it afterwards. Sam, she knows you love her."

"I know." Sam said. "I'm just…"

"Scared? Me too." Jackie admitted. "Why don't you get some rest? You're the one that's really been run ragged lately."

"I'm fine."

"Sam, lay down for an hour." Jackie insisted. "It won't do Natalie any good if we haven't had any sleep either."

"I'm really fine." Sam said.

"I had a feeling I'd find you both here."

Jackie smiled at the doorway to the waiting room, where one of her coworkers were standing. "Hey, Jane."

"You two come with me." Jane said. "Both of you. Come on." Jane led the two of them back towards an empty patient room, where there were two beds pushed together. "You two take a nap. I'll have the doctor wake you the second Natalie's out of surgery."

Sam started to object, but Jane spoke over him. "Thank you, Jane."

"My pleasure. You two deserve it."

Jackie tried to hold a conversation with Sam, but five minutes later she was asleep again. Sam's mind drifted to the fight he'd mentioned to Jackie.

_Seven Years Old_

_The sun had barely come up, but Sam sat in the ER like a seasoned veteran. As the years had passed and he'd learned more about how to manage Natalie's illness, their visits had decreased drastically. But this time it was definitely necessary. Natalie had woken up saying her feet and hands felt 'too big'. When Sam examined her, he noticed they were most definitely swollen. She was also complaining of a worsening headache, and Sam had immediately gotten dressed and put her in the car._

_Not knowing which doctor they'd end up with, Sam had a folder beside him that contained an abbreviated version of Natalie's medical history. The real files took up an entire file cabinet drawer at their house. Next to the folder was a notebook with everything Natalie had eaten and drunk for the entire month. Sam had sometimes wondered if he'd ever drop the habit of tracking everything in Natalie's diet. He'd had a dream one night about Natalie being on her first date, with him sitting between her and her date, writing in his little notebook everything she was eating. It had amused Jackie to hear about it, but even the humorous was always mixed with a hint of sadness these days._

_At the moment, Sam wasn't concerned with any of that. In his lap was the most important thing of all. Natalie whimpered slightly and buried her head inside of Sam's jacket, but otherwise showed no signs of being in distress. She didn't cry anymore. They were at the hospital nearly every day to every other day. Natalie had test after test, dialysis treatment after dialysis treatment, and the day in, day out monotony of her constantly feeling sick. Her kidneys were now nearly completely shut down. Dr. Emerson had made it clear on his last visit that finding a donor was their 'only option that had a remote chance of working now'. Despite having been tested years earlier, Sam and Jackie had both asked to be tested again. The results had, of course, been the same as before. Neither was a match._

" _Hey, guys."  
_

_The familiar voice walking towards them drew Natalie out from her father's coat. "Hi."_

" _The nurse paged me. Come on, let's go to an exam room."_

" _You think you can walk, kiddo?" Sam asked._

" _I can walk."_

_Dr. Emerson knew almost right away what was wrong with Natalie. He looked over Sam's journal of what Natalie had eaten and drunk over the few days prior, and knew there was a puzzle piece missing somewhere. He placed the notebook down, grabbed a stool, and sat in front of Natalie._

" _Natalie. I'm going to ask you a question, sweetheart. And I need you to be completely honest with me. Can you do that?"_

" _Sure."_

" _Have you eaten anything that's not on your father's list? Or had anything to drink that you didn't tell him about?"_

_Natalie immediately looked guilty._

" _Come on, honey. I need to know."_

" _Natalie?" Sam asked. "Is that true?"_

" _Yes." Natalie said._

_Dr. Emerson nodded. "What'd you eat, honey?"_

" _French fries and chocolate milk."_

" _A lot of it?"_

_Natalie nodded again._

" _Natalie Grace Winchester!" Sam snapped. He wasn't yelling, but was close to it. With the worry he'd been going through that morning, the news that Natalie may have done this to herself made the normally patient Sam snap. "You know better than to sneak junk food behind my back!"_

" _Sam." Dr. Emerson's calm demeanor was a nice counter to Sam's simmering anger. He turned back to Natalie. "How much did you eat and drink? A lot?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Do you know exactly how much? It's okay if you don't."_

" _Two plates of fries and three big cups of chocolate milk."_

" _How the hell did you sneak that much food?"_

" _At homeschool group." Natalie explained quietly. "I snuck in the closet and had it."_

" _Why would you have so much?"_

" _Sam. Step outside with me, please." Dr. Emerson asked._

" _Why can't we talk in here?"_

" _Because I don't need to speak to Natalie. I need to speak to you." Dr. Emerson said. "Come on. Natalie, we'll be right back."_

_Sam stepped out in the hall, his temper already starting to subside. He took a deep breath, and Dr. Emerson waited patiently. When he thought Sam was calm enough, Dr. Emerson spoke in a low voice._

" _Sam, I know you're upset. But you have to remember. She's seven years old."_

" _She's a sick seven year old…"_

" _And you have done a fantastic job taking care of that sick seven year old. But you're too hung up on the sick part. You need to remember what I said. She is seven years old. She snuck some junk food. She snuck some junk food and it made her sick. She's going to have to be admitted to be treated. I'll explain to her what happened and that this is why she can't sneak food. But she's already scared and sick. Don't blow it on her. Keep your perspective here, okay?"_

_Sam nodded. "You're right. Thanks."_

" _You cool?" Dr. Emerson asked. "I can tell Natalie you went to get a cup of coffee or something."_

" _No. I'm okay." Sam said._

" _Alright. Let's do this."_

_Sam walked back inside, where Natalie was looking downcast and studying the floor. Dr. Emerson took his seat back across from Natalie._

" _Natalie, listen. I get wanting to have some junk food, okay? But this is why it's so important not to eat anything without telling your dad. When you eat a bunch of salt, like was probably in those fries, it's even harder for your body to get rid of all that bad stuff it needs to get rid of. Got me?"_

" _Got it."_

" _Okay. I have to admit you. We have to give you dialysis to try and get all this stuff out."_

_Natalie nodded. "Okay."_

" _No more sneaking food. Promise?"_

" _Promise."_

" _You're a good girl, Natalie. Remember that." Dr. Emerson said. He turned to Sam. "I'm going to get ready to admit her. I'll be right back."_

_Dr. Emerson left, and Natalie still refused to look at her father. Sam took the seat that had just been occupied by Dr. Emerson, but Natalie still refused to look at him. Just as Sam was about to try and break the silence, Natalie spoke up._

" _I know I did it to myself, Daddy. I'm sorry. You don't have to hold my hand this time if you don't want to."_

_Sam's heart broke again. He grabbed Natalie's hand and forced her to look at him. "I will always be there to hold your hand. Always. Okay?"_

_Natalie smiled. "Okay."_

Sam checked the clock, and realized that only two hours had passed. He stood up and went to the window and tried to think about other things than the crushing worry about Natalie. A nurse came and updated Sam and Natalie, then left again. Finally, four hours later, Dr. Emerson came to the room with a smile on his face.

"Is she okay?" Sam and Jackie asked at almost exactly the same time.

"She is fine, guys. She's in recovery right now. We're gonna monitor her for about a half hour or so, then we'll take you guys to see her."

A powerful relief swept over the room. Sam and Jackie shared a hug, before Jackie asked, "Can you tell us anything about the donor? Is he okay?"

"He's fine. In fact, he's been out of recovery for a while and he's already woken up. He said that he'd like to meet you guys if you're up to it."

"You bet we do." Jackie said, and Sam followed close by.

When Sam approached the room, he stopped dead in his tracks. A familiar head of blonde hair and set of green eyes met him at the door to one of the rooms. Sitting up in the hospital bed was another familiar face, one Sam assumed he'd never see again.

"Dad?"


	2. Chapter 2

No one knew John Winchester well. Not even his own sons. He liked it that way. It kept him from getting too close and too attached to anyone, and therefore ultimately kept the people he cared about safe. But there was one thing about himself that John was grateful no one knew.

He despised needles.

Watching a needle go into his skin made John want to crawl far, far away. When his boys were little and had to get shots, John was good at hiding his emotions and helping them get through it. But he never failed to be creeped out at the sight of a needle. The chance he was taking now was the very definition of a long shot, but if things panned out, John’s life could drastically change for the better.

What surprised him the most was that it took so long for him to be checked. Despite his drinking habits, John was in good health. Though Sam had left the family years earlier, John had kept a tight watch on him. He’d known when Sam graduated college, when Sam graduated law school, and when Sam met and married Jackie. Natalie had thrown him for a loop. John had been out of touch with Sam’s life for a couple of months, and had come back to find Sam holding a little girl. When John discovered that Sam and Jackie had adopted this new little girl, John’s visits became an almost weekly occurrence.

Natalie was beautiful. John had always wanted a little girl. Every time John came to see the little family, he rented a different car, so as far as he knew, Sam had never seen him. Over time, it became harder to hide. After Natalie’s first birthday, John noticed that it was harder to find Sam and Natalie. He eventually found out, through a hunting connection, that Natalie was a very sick little girl. John had broken into the office of Natalie’s doctor and made copies of her medical records. John was not an easy man to scare, but what he found scared him. And a scared John drank more.

Dean tried multiple times to get John to mend bridges with Sam. His arguments made sense. Though Sam was stubborn, he could use all the help he could get with Natalie. They had killed the demon that killed Sam and Dean’s mother Mary, the ultimate goal of hunting in the first place, so why not go to Sam and help him out? Why not, Dean reasoned, go and show Sam that the two of them cared, and maybe patch up their relationship while they were at it?

John knew that Dean was right, but he was still resistant to the idea of approaching Sam. Their last conversation, years before, had haunted John every single day, and he didn’t know if he could face Sam again.

_Nineteen Years Old_

_“I’m nineteen, Dad. I can make my own choices about my own life.”_

_“You know, you like to claim that I never listen to you, Sam. It would be nice if you listened to me just once in your life.”_

_Sam scoffed and threw his duffel bag down. “This oughta be good. Listen to what, Dad? You tell me, again, how I’m not measuring up? How I’m not doing a good enough job? How I don’t care about mom because my priorities aren’t the same as yours? Come on, Dad. Give me your best.”_

_John frowned and shook his head. “Is that really what you think I think of you?”_

_“You’ve never said or shown any different, Dad. So why should I think anything different?”_

_John was amazed. Sam was insanely smart. John relied on him every day more and more for research. He wanted, badly, to reward Sam by letting him do things he wanted to do-but Sam had to comply first. That was all John wanted. He wanted Sam to listen to him, to respect him, to do as he was told when he was told. It was a years old question, one that always hung in the air, and was never resolved no matter what happened._

_“Do you deny that you’ve told me that more than you’ve ever told me anything nice?”_   
  


_“No.” John admitted quietly. “No. You have a point, Sam.”_

_“I’ve listened. I’ve listened every single time you’ve ever said something to me like that. I listened last year when you complained to what little friends our family has left that I never do anything useful…”_

_Sam’s voice broke, and John felt a little chink in his finely tuned armor. The biggest blowout he and Sam had ever had occurred the year before. Sam had been given an opportunity to actually graduate high school on time. He would’ve had to take two extra classes for one semester. His school day would’ve started at seven in the morning and ended at five. Though Sam was salivating at the opportunity, John had denied it to him for the same reasons he always gave. Sam needed to focus on training. Hunting came first, before anything._

_Sam had refused to talk to John for weeks, only doing the bare minimum in order to get by. John had planned to say in the apartment they were in for a while, but he’d decided to move the next week in an attempt to get Sam’s mind off the argument they’d had._

_It didn’t work._

_Sam became more rebellious, more defiant, and even more resistant to what John wanted him to do. John, in turn, became less forgiving, not that he ever had been in the first place. The cycle repeated and repeated itself, until three months later. John had brought Sam and Dean to Bobby’s for a while. He’d hoped that Sam’s attitude would cool off, but the first day they’d been there, John had blown it._

_Caleb, Bobby, and Pastor Jim happened to be there at the same time. John had thought Sam and Dean were upstairs unpacking, and therefore couldn’t hear him when he launched into a tirade about Sam’s attitude and unwillingness to work together. He’d seen Jim’s face fall as soon as the sentence fell out of his mouth._

_“I’m just tired of Sam never doing anything that’s useful on hunts…”_

_While Jim was trying to let John know in a discrete way that Sam could hear him, Bobby wasn’t as concerned with sparing his friend’s feelings. “Watch your mouth, you danged idjit!”_

_“Bobby, what…?” John turned to see what everyone was looking at, and found Sam standing in the doorway to the kitchen. “Oh.”_

_“Your gun and mine got mixed up, sir. I cleaned it for you.” Sam said flatly, handing John his weapon._

_Sam hadn’t said anything about being hurt by John’s statement, so John had left it alone. Jim, Bobby, Caleb, and Dean had all gotten on John’s case about apologizing, but John refused to do it. He’d told the truth. Sam needed to grow up. Sam’s life was not his own, no matter what Sam seemed to think. He had been brought up to do a very specialized job, and it was Sam’s responsibility to fulfill that obligation._

_But damn if it didn’t hurt to think that Sam didn’t feel appreciated at all._

_“So I’ve heard you, Dad. I’ve carried everything you’ve ever said to me. Is there anything else you need to say?”_

_Yes, John thought. I love you, Sam. I need you. Forget about hunting, I need you because I want you to be safe. If you’re gone I can’t protect you. Please, Sam. Please just stay._

_“Yes, Sam. I do.”_

_“Fine. I’m listening. What is it, Dad?”_

_“If you walk out that door, you don’t come back.”_

_It had to work. It had to work. If Sam would just back down, stay, admit that John was right, John would apologize and get down on bended knee if he needed to and make Sam see how much he was loved and appreciated. But he had to get Sam to stay first. Dean, who had gone outside to avoid being put in the middle of the fight, had walked back inside just in time to hear John say ‘If you walk out that door, you don’t come back’._

_“Dad?” Dean asked._

_“You heard me, Sam.” John said, deliberately ignoring Dean’s pleading tone. “Make your choice.”_

_Sam had allowed a brief flash of hurt to cross his face, but he very expertly dropped it. A small part of John was proud of him for that. Sam was finally learning to separate his emotions, put them away and handle things as a man. But John stood firm._

_“Make your choice, Sam.” John repeated._

_“Dad, come on. Please don’t do this.”_

_“Sam.” It was a both a command and a plea. Please stay. Don’t tear the family apart. But whatever you do, make it quick._

_“You really mean that? I leave I can’t come back.” Sam said. “Not for any reason.”_

_“Of course he didn’t mean that…” a desperate Dean said, walking over to grab Sam’s arm. “Sam, come on. We can talk about this.”_

_“No, Dean.” John addressed Dean for the first time. “He needs to choose. Family or school. Which is it, Sam?”_

_Sam’s face betrayed nothing. If he was struggling with his choice, John couldn’t tell. He said a quick prayer to Mary, hoping to keep his fragile family together. Sam nodded and picked up his duffel bag._

_“Goodbye, Dad.”_

_“Sam, come on, don’t do this…” Dean begged._

_“Stop, Dean. Your brother’s made his choice.” John said. “Get out of here, Sam.”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_John left the house at that moment, unable to stay without breaking down. He stayed away for hours, trying to numb things down until he could function again, but it was impossible. Sam was gone. Sam was gone for good. And no matter what he tried to tell himself, John knew it was his own fault._

“Okay, Mr. Winchester. All done.” The nurse pulled the needle out and bandaged his arm.

“That’s it?”

The nurse, a kind woman in her late sixties that reminded John of his mother, chuckled. “You sound like most of the kids I have to take blood from.”

“I do?”

“Don’t worry. It’s not a bad thing. Nobody likes having blood drawn.”

“Does that include you?”

“Yes, it does, honey. Yes, it does.” The nurse, whose name John for some reason couldn’t remember, started to walk out. “You have a couple cookies from this tray now, and then make sure to eat something hearty tonight, okay?”

“How long should it be before I know something?” John asked as he pulled down his sleeve. “My grand…” John stopped himself. “The little girl’s pretty sick.”

“You’ll have to talk to the doctor for sure. But I’ve been a transplant nurse for years. It can sometimes take a few weeks.”

“A few weeks? Why so long?”

“They have to make sure everything matches, honey. Everything needs to be as perfect as it can be, especially for someone as little as your granddaughter is.”

“How’d you...”

“For one, anonymous donations are very, very rare. They do happen, but they’re rare. Two, you have the same last name as Natalie. Since Sam is her father, I figured…”

“That I was Sam’s father.” John said. He kicked himself. Why hadn’t he thought to use an alias?

“Let me guess. You and Sam had some falling out a long time ago. You somehow heard about Natalie, and hoped you’d be able to help her, maybe get back together?”

“How’d you know?” John asked.

“Before I answer, my name is Hannah.” The nurse said. “I forget names a lot too. Don’t worry about it.”

“Sorry about that.” John said anyway.

“And I know because it happened with me and my son.” Hannah said. “What’d you fight about?”

John frowned. “We kinda fought his entire teenage years. It just sort of came to a head one day.”

“Can I give you some unsolicited advice?” Hannah asked.

“Sure.”

“Go talk to him. No matter what happened, just swallow your pride and go talk to him. Being right isn’t worth losing him. And just think about it. If you swallow that pride and go to him, you get a grandbaby out of the deal.”

John smiled. “That would be nice.”

“Tell him about being tested for a match for Natalie.” Hannah suggested. “Even if you’re not a match, it’ll earn you brownie points.”

“I promise I’ll think about it.” John said. “Did it work out between you and your son?”

“Eventually, yes. I got up the courage to approach my son. Turns out he felt just as bad about the fight as I did, and he thought I wouldn’t want to see him.” Hannah said. She chuckled a little. “We had a bit of a laugh with that one.”

“Can I have one of those cookies now, please?”

Leaving the office, John thought about doing exactly what he’d discussed with Hannah. He even went as far as to pick up his phone and dial Sam’s number. But again, fear got the better of him and he hung up. Dean called with a hunt, and John headed off towards it.

A week later, John was sitting in Bobby’s house, wondering about the results. He knew the chances were slim he’d be able to help Sam, but the chance that he’d be able to would be worth it. He’d held onto his cell phone all week, waiting to hear back from the doctor. As he sat at Bobby’s table on the night of the seventh day, John thought about the biggest secret he’d ever kept-the fact that he’d met Natalie in person.

_Four Years Old_

_John sat on the outskirts of the park, watching as Sam swung the energetic Natalie back and forth on the swings. He never got tired of seeing how much joy Natalie brought to Sam’s life. He only wished he could have a small piece of that joy for himself. Sam pulled Natalie off the swings and took her to another area of the park, out of John’s line of vision._

_John walked around, careful to stay out of Sam’s sight. By the time he found a spot, what he heard and saw instead scared him. Natalie was walking alone, crying hysterically with a hand in her mouth. She was lost. John looked around, but the park was almost empty. He had no other choice, so he approached the distraught Natalie._

_“Hey, sweetheart. You okay?”_

_Natalie turned her big, wet eyes towards the stranger and backed away._

_“Whoa. Slow down. I won’t hurt you.” John held up both hands in surrender and bent down to Natalie’s level, attempting to make himself slightly less intimidating. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”_

_Natalie finally decided that talking to John was worth whatever fear she felt. When she spoke, hiccups blocked her words as she sobbed. “I…ca…can’t…find my…Daddy. I’m l…lost.”_

_“Well, it just so happens that I’m very good at finding lost daddies. Would you like me to help you?”_

_“Yes, please.” Natalie said. “I need my daddy.”_

_“Come on, sweetheart. We’ll find him together, okay?”_

_“I don’t wanna hold your hand. I not know you.”_

_John chuckled. Sam had been teaching her well. “That’s alright, sweetheart. Just walk in front of me, okay?”_

_John walked with Natalie as they searched for Sam. Halfway down the length of the park, John heard Sam’s voice calling for Natalie. Before he could say something to Natalie, she was running away from him and towards Sam’s silhouette in the distance._

_“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”_

_Just as Natalie was jumping up into Sam’s arms, John was turning around and leaving. He heard Natalie tell Sam that someone had helped her find him, but by then, he was long gone._

John’s phone broke him out of the memory. He didn’t recognize the number, but it was from Sam’s area code.

He was a match for Natalie.

The decision made itself. John told Dean what he’d done, and a shocked Dean looked as if he was ready to literally jump for joy. John wanted to go in for surgery alone, but Dean wouldn’t hear it. Dean wanted to approach Sam prior to surgery, but John ordered him not to.

“Sam’s as proud and as stubborn as I am, Dean. If we go to him first, he might reject this. Let me do this for Natalie first and then afterwards, if Sam wants to talk, I’m all ears.”

Having the surgery itself wasn’t as simple as he’d thought at first. John was required to go through another round of tests. Somehow he made it through them intact, and the day finally came. John had made it clear to the doctors that he wanted to remain anonymous until after the surgery.

John was still groggy. And sore. He’d been through hunts where he’d gotten hurt before. But he’d been awake now for just under a half hour, and he couldn’t get past the feeling of a part of him being gone now. He didn’t regret what he’d done, but he wondered if he’d ever feel like the same person again. Dean sat beside him, asking over and over if he needed anything. John shook his head, and finally the doctor came in to check on him. The doctor had made no indication that he knew that John was Sam’s father, and his question seemed to confirm that.

“Well, John. The little girl you donated to just came out of surgery.”

“How’s she doing?”

“She is doing great. She’s a strong little girl.” the doctor said. After briefly checking John’s chart, he asked with a smile, “So, I’m about to go check in with her parents. If they’re up for it, do you want to meet them?”

Though he felt his heart clench at the thought, he looked over to Dean, who was nodding in approval. “Sure.”

The doctor left, and Dean went towards the door. John had never seen him looking so excited. It seemed to be days before John noticed Sam walking towards them.

It was time.

“Dad?”


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is written almost completely from Natalie's point of view, so it uses different language than the previous two chapters. The language is very simple, like a seven year old is telling the story. Sam and Jackie's names aren't used, they're simply called Mommy and Daddy.**

Natalie was sick of being sick.

Whenever she felt good, Natalie wondered how long it would last. It always seemed like, no matter what, she would either start the day not feeling good or end the day feeling worse.

Natalie remembered an assignment her daddy had given her one day at the beginning of her school year. Ever since she'd started the second grade, Sam would give her a journal assignment every day. Usually she just worked through them without really thinking about it, but this one she had actually tried to do a good job on. She remembered every word she'd written by heart. Sam's prompt had been _what do you think your life will be like when you grow up?_

_I don't know what my life will be like when I grow up. Right now, all I want is to make sure I can grow up. I love my daddy, and I love him for everything he does for me, but I want to be able to go to school with other kids. I want to have playdates without having to worry about going to the doctor. I want to eat the snacks I see other kids eat without my daddy having to cut them in half and not let me have all of it. But there's one thing I want more than all of that._

_I want one day. One day where I can wake up, do something fun with my mommy and daddy and not have to worry about it. One day where I can not be sick or tired or sad. One day where I can have friends that I can play with and keep up with. I want to get through being a sick kid before I worry about what I'm going to be when I'm an adult._

Natalie remembered Sam's reaction to that journal entry. It was one of the few times she'd ever seen her daddy cry, and that scared her. Natalie hadn't told Sam that she knew how sick she actually was. She knew that Sam didn't want to scare her, but Natalie was tired of hiding. She might be nothing more than a little kid to her daddy, but that didn't mean she was dumb.

Her whole life was doctors, needles, medicine, feeling sick, watching what she ate, watching what she drank, and being careful. Natalie hated being careful. It meant she could never really do anything fun without worrying that it might make her sicker or might get her hurt.

Natalie had been in the hospital now for what felt like forever. She'd had to be admitted because she hadn't been careful. She'd eaten food and drank something that made her sick. Very sick. So sick that she'd been through two dialysis treatments already and she still wasn't better.

Daddy tried his best to cheer her up. He read her stories and helped her get through her schoolwork and tried to make her laugh to forget how sick she really was. He held her at night, when the stomach pains got to be really bad. He knew when to just hold her and not say anything, and he knew exactly when distracting Natalie would help her.

Her mommy was working right now. Natalie didn't mind that her mommy worked a lot. She was a nurse, so if daddy was gone, Mommy knew what to do when she didn't feel well. But Mommy never really knew the tricks Daddy did. She knew when all of Natalie's doctor's appointments were, how to give Natalie her medicine so it didn't seem so bad, and how to explain what was going on with her in a way that Natalie could understand.

When Natalie fell asleep, really fell asleep and wasn't just pretending for her daddy, she was wishing she could remember any days where she wasn't sick. There was a dream she had sometimes, and she wasn't sure if it was real or not. It seemed real, and it gave her comfort, so Natalie chose to believe in it.

_Age Unknown_

_When Natalie woke up, she wasn't sleepy anymore. She sat up in bed and looked around. The sun hadn't come up yet, so it was still really dark. The house was scary when it was dark. Daddy had taught her a few nights before that most of the things that scared her at night were things casting shadows around the room. He'd even turned the lights off and moved things around, showing her how the shadows looked different depending on how far away they were._

_Natalie didn't care. She was still scared._

_But she was a big girl now. Mommy and Daddy had put her in a big girl bed, and Natalie took it very seriously. Daddy had stayed with her until she fell asleep for the first few nights, but tonight he'd told her he wanted her to try and fall asleep on her own. She'd done that, but now it was time to get up._

_Natalie thought about calling her Daddy to come to her. She knew he would, and she knew he wouldn't be upset about it. But she was a big girl now, and she needed to do this on her own. So she carefully climbed down off the bed and walked into the hallway. The house was creaking. Things were making scary shadows that Natalie tried to avoid, in case they tried to swallow her up like in her bad dreams. Before she knew it, she'd made it to her Mommy and Daddy's bedroom door._

_Mommy and Daddy liked for her to knock before she came into their room, but Natalie forgot that morning. Daddy usually wasn't too mad when Natalie forgot. He just reminded her not to do it again. But their doorknob was just out of Natalie's reach, so she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach it. Natalie stood and reached up for the knob, and had just about reached it…_

_when the door turned and opened, and Natalie fell to the floor._

" _Natalie? Honey, are you okay?"_

_Her mommy had opened the door when Natalie didn't expect it, causing her to fall. But the carpet was nice and soft, and Natalie hadn't fallen far, so she didn't cry. Mommy, though, was scared, and picked up Natalie to look her over._

" _You okay?"_

_A sleepy again Natalie nodded. "'m 'kay."_

" _What are you doing up so early?"_

" _Jus' woked up."_

" _You sick? Did you have a bad dream?"_

" _No. Jus' wanted be with you and Daddy."_

" _Well, it's not even four in the morning yet. Mommy's getting ready for work. You want to get in the bed with Daddy?"_

" _Yes, pease."_

" _Alright, here you go."_

_Mommy very carefully placed Natalie on the bed. Natalie crawled up to her daddy and pulled the comforter away, the motion waking up._

" _Natty? You okay, baby?"_

" _Yeah. Just wanted you, Daddy."_

" _Did you get down here all by yourself?" Daddy asked with a smile._

" _Yeah. I did."_

" _That's my big girl. Good job."_

_Natalie smiled and lifted up Daddy's arm, the sign she'd used since she was a baby that she wanted him to hold her. Daddy took the hint, pulling her in for a hug that left Natalie feeling safe._

"Ow. Shit."

Natalie turned over in her sleep and woke up. She wasn't in her room anymore. She was in the hospital. "Wha…"

"I'm sorry, baby. Your mama asked me to come check on you. I didn't mean to wake you up." A nice older lady nurse friend of her mommy's, nurse Delia, had been the one to wake her up.

"Where mommy?"

"She's checking on some patients. She'll be here soon." Nurse Delia looked over and saw Sam sleeping on a cot next to Natalie's bed. "You want me to wake up your Daddy?"

"No. He need sleep." Natalie said. "I okay. You hurt?"

"What?" Delia asked.

"You said ow. You okay?"

"Oh. I'm okay, sweetie. I just stubbed my toe on the edge of your bed."

"Let me see your toe."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm okay…"

"Please." Natalie said. "I'm always sick. I never get to make anybody else feel better."

Delia smiled. "Hold on, honey." She awkwardly stood on one leg and Natalie blew an air kiss towards her foot.

"That better?"

"That is so much better. Thank you, love."

"You welcome." Natalie let out a big yawn and squeezed her stuffed shark close to her. "I'll go back to sleep now."

"You go ahead. Your mommy'll be here as soon as she can."

Natalie squeezed her shark again and closed her eyes, remembering the day she got Polo.

_Four Years Old_

" _It's my birfday!"_

_Natalie announced it as she came into the kitchen, just in case Daddy had forgotten. Mommy had left a present on her bed, so she knew that Mommy hadn't forgotten. There was a card with the present, so she planned to give it to Daddy so he'd read it to her. Daddy was standing at the stove, making her breakfast, and he laughed when Natalie made her announcement._

" _It's your birthday? I didn't know that."_

" _Now you do." Natalie said firmly, unaware that Daddy was just kidding. She walked up to Daddy and held her arms up. "Hol' me, pease."_

" _So polite this morning. Hang on." Daddy put down the spatula, picked up Natalie and put her on his hip._

_Natalie looked in the pan and asked, "What's that, Daddy?"_

" _Those are called pancakes." Daddy said._

" _Pancakes? They look good."_

" _They are good."_

" _How come we haven't had them before?"_

_Daddy took one pancake out of the pan and turned off the stove. "Because I wasn't sure how to make them. You get to be my guinea pig."_

" _I'm not a guinea pig, Daddy." Natalie corrected._

_Daddy smiled. Natalie would figure out later on that Daddy did know how to make pancakes before that day, he just didn't know how to make them so they'd be safe for her. But right now, Natalie was excited to be able to try a new food._

" _I know you're not a guinea pig." Daddy said, kissing her cheek as he put the plate on the table. "You're my baby girl."_

" _I'm not a baby no more." Natalie said. "I'm four."_

" _You'll always be my baby girl. No matter what." Sam said. "But you're right. You're a big girl now."_

" _Daddy? Will you read this to me, please?" Natalie handed her card to Daddy. "Mommy left it with my present."_

" _I sure will. Let me see." Daddy opened the card and put Natalie down in her chair. "It says, 'Dear Natalie, You're growing up so fast. The first thing Mommy wants you to know is that I love you more than anything else in the whole world. The best day of my life was the day I got to be your Mommy. The shark I left on your bed is for you. I got it for you because it reminds me of how strong you are. You can name him whatever you want, and when I get home tonight, we'll celebrate your birthday in style. I love you so much, my strong, sweet girl. Happy birthday, love Mommy.'"_

" _Wow!" Natalie said. "Mommy really thinks I'm strong like a shark?"_

" _Yep. I do too." Daddy said, pulling Natalie's hair back and kissing her cheek. "What do you want to name the shark?"_

" _Polo."_

" _Polo? Where'd that come from?" Daddy asked as he put the pancakes down on the table._

" _From that game we played in the pool." Natalie answered._

" _Marco polo?"_

" _Yeah. But he not look like Marco. He look like Polo." Natalie explained._

_Daddy laughed a little and kissed Natalie again. "Whatever you say, baby girl."_

" _What we gonna do today, Daddy?"_

" _Well, it's your birthday. You get to pick."_

" _Park." Natalie said quickly. "Definitely the park."_

"Natalie. Wake up, honey."

Natalie stirred and made a grumpy noise in her sleep. "No."

"Come on, baby. I've got some good news for you."

Natalie grumpily turned over. She felt like she'd just gone back to sleep. "What?"

Daddy was there, with Mommy and Dr. Emerson. The sun had come up, but Natalie didn't think it had just happened. It felt like the middle of the day.

"Come here, sweetie." Mommy said. "I'm gonna pull your bed up and sit with you. Daddy and I have something really important to talk to you about. We need you to listen to us really well, okay?"

"Okay." Natalie said, starting to get scared. Mommy and Daddy both looked like something bad was going on. "What is it?"

"Well, Natalie, we've found a kidney for you." Dr Emerson said.

Natalie was surprised. Very surprised. She'd never said it to her daddy, but she was starting to doubt it would ever really happen. "What?"

"They've found a kidney for you, baby." Mommy explained. "Isn't that exciting?"

"You mean…you mean I won't be sick anymore?"

"If this works the way I think it will, then no. You won't be." Dr. Emerson said. "But remember, honey…"

"You can't make promises." Natalie said. "I know."

"Okay. I'm gonna give you guys a rundown of what'll happen the rest of today…"

Dr. Emerson talked for a long time, but Natalie had stopped paying attention. This was it. Even at only seven years old, she knew her whole life was about to change. If the operation didn't work, Natalie would be sick all over again. She'd probably even be sicker than she was now. But if it did work, she'd get to be a kid and do all the things she'd never gotten to do before.

She was scared.

"Natalie? Did you have any questions, darlin'?" Dr. Emerson asked.

"No." Natalie said quietly.

"Alright. Well, like I said, the donor's on his way. We'll take the kidney from him tonight and we'll take Natalie in for surgery early tomorrow morning."

"Sounds good, doctor. Thank you." Mommy said.

Natalie took a close look at Mommy and Daddy. Both of them were smiling, happy. Neither of them seemed to be worried or scared. Natalie decided that she'd try to be happy too. As the day carried on, she thought about the only other time she'd ever felt this scared.

_Five Years Old_

" _Daddy!"_

_Natalie tried to stop crying. She didn't know where Daddy was. They were at the park, looking at all the birdhouses, and Daddy had gotten a phone call. He'd told her something, but Natalie was so excited about seeing all the pretty birds she hadn't paid attention. When she noticed one particularly beautiful bird, she'd turned around to show her daddy. But he wasn't there._

" _Daddy?"_

_At first, thinking Daddy had just stepped out to the other side of the building that housed the birdhouses, she had walked outside and looked around, calling Daddy's name. When she didn't find him, Natalie started walking._

_After a long time of walking, Natalie had come across a man. He looked nice enough, but Natalie didn't know him. Daddy had always taught her not to talk to strangers. But the nice man helped her, walking with her and helping her to find her Daddy. Soon, she spotted Daddy, walking across the park and looking for her just like she'd been looking for him._

" _Daddy!"_

_Natalie ran to her Daddy as fast as she could. Daddy scooped her up and hugged her, checking her over to make sure she was okay. He had a long talk with her later that night about wandering off and why it was so dangerous, but he assured her over and over he wasn't mad with her._

" _I just want you to be safe. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."_

_Natalie looked over from her Daddy's shoulder, looking for the nice man that had helped her find him. She wanted to thank him, and she was sure her daddy wanted to thank him too. But he was nowhere to be seen. Where had he gone?_

"Okay, little one." Daddy said. "It's late. Time for you to go to sleep."

"I'll be asleep tomorrow. Can't I stay up? Please?"

Daddy smiled. "You a little nervous?"

"No."

"It's okay if you are."

"I'm not scared." Natalie said again.

"Okay, honey. But to answer your question, no, you can't stay up. You need to go to bed."

"Will you hold me till I fall asleep? Please?"

"Of course I will, baby."

The next morning, Natalie listened as the surgeon talked to them. She didn't say anything as she was taken down the hall to the operating room. Dr. Emerson told her parents to talk to her for a minute, and Natalie's stomach tightened inside her.

"Hey, girlie. How you feeling? You sure you're not scared? Not even a little bit?" Mommy asked.

"I'm a big girl, Mommy. I'm not scared."

"You are a big girl." Daddy said, offering Natalie a kiss on the cheek. "And Mommy and I are very proud of you."

"I'm not scared." Natalie repeated. "But Polo is."

"Well, Daddy, I guess we need to say something to Polo so he's not scared."

"I guess so." Daddy said. "What should we say, Nat?"

Natalie shrugged.

"Well, I would tell Polo" Mommy said, turning the battered shark towards her so she could look in his eye, "that in a minute, you two will be going to sleep, and that the second you wake up, Mommy and Daddy will be the first thing you see."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Mommy and Daddy said together.

"Alright, folks." Dr. Emerson had come back out of the operating room. "We ready to go?"

"Nat, you ready?" Daddy asked.

"Ready."

"Mom, Dad, one last kiss and 'I love you'." Dr. Emerson told Mommy and Daddy.

Mommy leaned down and kissed Natalie's cheek. "I love you, kitten. Daddy and me are right out here waiting for you. Okay?"

"Okay, Mommy. Love you too."

Daddy took his own turn. "Love you, kitten."

"Love you, Daddy."

"Okay. Let's go."

Natalie was wheeled into the operating room, and soon fell into a deep sleep. Her nervous thoughts soon turned to happy ones, pictures of what her life would be like when she wasn't sick anymore. But no matter what happened, Natalie knew, her Mommy and Daddy would be there to help her get through it.


	4. Chapter 4

Doctors weren't supposed to pick favorite patients. They were supposed to remain objective, treat all their patients with the same amount of care and concern.

Dr. Alan Emerson thought that was complete and utter crap.

He did care for all his patients. He put all the effort he could into helping them recover from whatever kidney related illness they happened to suffer from.

But Natalie Winchester was his favorite.

She'd been his patient for five of the seven years of her life. He thought as he walked down to the ER to see her about the first time he'd ever met her. She'd been a sick, scrawny, two-year-old kid, shaking and clinging to her father.

_Two Years Old_

_Dr. Emerson walked into the pediatric ward, somewhere he'd not spent a lot of time but wished he did. It amazed him how truly sick kids never really acted like sick kids. They were, to him, heroes._

_He briefly read over the chart he was given. Two-year-old girl, brought in four days earlier with stomach pain, decreasing urine output, and irritability. There was a note in her chart of extensive doctor's visits from her first birthday on, and when Dr. Emerson read over the results of the tests that had already been done on this poor kid, he thought his heart would break._

_Her kidney was failing, and there seemed to be no known reason why._

_Dr. Emerson stepped inside, and found one of the tallest guys he'd ever seen in his life. The guy had to be around six and a half feet tall, and Dr. Emerson wondered what he was doing there. He then noticed what he thought at first was a stuffed animal in the guy's lap. But when the stuffed animal squirmed, he realized it was his patient. Two-year-old Natalie was in her father's lap, dressed in a pediatric gown decorated with elephants. Her father was trying to entertain her, trying to calm her down, but at the moment, wasn't succeeding. Dr. Emerson cleared his throat, and Natalie's father looked up._

" _Hey there. I'm Dr. Emerson. Dr. Cole told you I was coming?"_

" _He did?" the father asked._

_Dr. Emerson noticed right away something he'd seen far too many times. There were bags under the father's eyes. Far beyond the normal ones that might be there for the parent of a healthy toddler._

" _Oh. Right."_

" _It's okay. Sorry it took me so long to get here. I was going over Natalie's test results before I got here."_

_Hearing her name, the squirming Natalie turned around and looked at the new face in the room._

" _Hi, there." Dr. Emerson said with a wide smile. He turned to her father and asked, "Can I ask your name."_

" _Oh. Sorry. I'm Sam."_

" _Hi. I'm gonna grab a stool real quick." Dr. Emerson walked over to the other side of the room and grabbed a stool that was kept in all the pediatric rooms. "Okay, I'm gonna talk to you, but if you don't mind, I'd like to spend a little time with Natalie first."_

_Sam nodded. "Okay."_

_Dr. Emerson turned his attention back to Natalie, who was now leaning against her father with her thumb in her mouth, staring intently at the new stranger in front of her._

" _Hi there. Can you tell me what your name is?"_

_Natalie looked up at her father, who simply nodded and smiled as he stroked her cheek. "It's okay."_

_Dr. Emerson made a mental note of how alert Natalie seemed to be._

" _Nattie."_

" _Nice to meet you, Natalie." Dr. Emerson said. "Can you tell me what these are?" he asked, pointing at Natalie's hospital gown._

_Natalie looked down and smiled. "Effant!"_

_Sam smiled too. "She loves animals."_

" _Really? Well, Natalie, would you tell me what animal is over here on the wall?" he asked, pointing at the colorful wallpaper beside him._

_Natalie looked over where he was pointing and her smile stretched out even bigger. "Bear."_

" _Very good. You're very smart, Natalie." Dr. Emerson said. He then got an idea. "I'll be right back. Dad, does she have any allergies to d-o-g's?"_

_Sam shook his head. "No."_

" _Okay. I'll be back."_

_Dr. Emerson walked down the hall and found Libby, the therapy dog that went from room to room. He spoke with Libby's handler, Marina, who wasn't busy at the moment and agreed to come down to Natalie's room. Five minutes later, they walked back inside the room and found Natalie on her bed. Sam was sitting on the bed with her, and both of them looked up and smiled._

" _Doggy!"_

" _That's right, Natalie. This is Libby. Would you like to pet her?"_

" _Pet doggy, pease."_

_Marina helped Libby onto the bed, much to a squealing Natalie's delight. Libby wasn't a large dog, so she fit on the bed fairly well. But since Natalie was so small, even for a two-year-old, Libby looked huge as Natalie grabbed her fur and gave her a hug._

" _Be gentle, Natty."_

" _It's okay, Mr. Winchester." Marina assured him. "Libby's very used to kids."_

" _Why don't you and I go over here in the corner and talk, Dad?"_

" _Um, I'd rather not leave her…"_

" _Marina's been doing this for ten years now. She's great with kids, and so is Libby. And we're not leaving the room. We're just going over here to the corner. Natalie'll be able to see you the whole time."_

_Sam sighed. He was exhausted. But Natalie was happy at the moment, happier than she'd been all week. She was hugging Libby, who patiently nuzzled Natalie's neck and allowed her to coo over him._

" _Natty? Daddy's gonna be over here. Okay?"_

_Natalie was so absorbed in playing with Libby that she didn't even acknowledge her father._

" _Mr. Winchester? It's okay. I'll keep her distracted." Marina promised._

_Sam nodded. "Thank you."_

_Dr. Emerson walked over to the other side of the room and stood by the window while Sam walked over. He found a chair for himself while Sam took the one next to the window. They both turned their head when Natalie giggled, and both smiled when they saw Natalie's face was buried in Libby's fur. Sam turned his attention back to Dr. Emerson._

" _Before we start," Dr. Emerson asked, "do you want to call your wife?"_

" _No. She's working. She's a nurse here."_

" _Okay. I can go talk to her after I talk to you here if you want me to."_

" _That's fine. But you are the fifth doctor we've seen this week. What is wrong with my daughter?"_

" _I know, Mr. Winchester. I've been given a complete rundown of everything. All of Natalie's symptoms, all her past doctor's visits, everything. The first thing I want to tell you is that I'm sorry."_

_Sam was startled. Every doctor they'd seen that week had been absolutely certain what was wrong with Natalie, and none of them had turned out to be right. They had apologized when they were wrong about their diagnosis, but Sam had yet to see any of them as sincere as this doctor was._

" _There's no reason that you should've been dismissed so much at those previous doctor visits."_

_Sam's stomach dropped. "Her kidney?"_

" _I can't tell you that for certain. But I believe so."_

" _Has it failed?"_

_Dr. Emerson collected himself before answering Sam. "I don't know. What seems to be happening is that her kidney is failing slowly. There's only a few conditions that cause children's kidneys to fail at a slow rate like that. I'm going to run some more tests to try and find out which one she has, and we'll see where to go from there."_

" _She's been through so many tests already."_

" _I know. I'm going to try to keep them to a minimum, but there are at least a couple I have to do. We'll try and do them while Natalie's sleeping, so maybe that'll keep her discomfort to a bare minimum."_

" _Daddy! Wook! Doggy!"_

_Sam looked towards Natalie and faked a smile. "I see, baby. Daddy's talking right now."_

" _I pay doggy more?"_

" _Yes, you can play with the dog some more." Sam said. When Natalie's attention was back on Libby, Sam remarked, "She seems so energetic sometimes."_

" _There was a reason I asked her about the animals when I came in. I was testing to see how alert she was. That's the good news here, Mr. Winchester…"_

" _Call me Sam."_

" _Okay, Sam. That's the good news here. Whatever is wrong with her seems to be strictly physical. You have a very bright little girl there. And I promise you, no matter what we find out, I will not let you or Natalie leave here without a detailed plan for treatment. I can't promise any results, but I'm gonna do whatever I have to, for however long it takes."_

" _Thank you." Sam said sincerely. "Thank you."_

" _You're welcome. Do you have any more questions?"_

" _What would it take for Natalie to go home?" Sam asked. "I'm not trying to rush it, I just want to know what it would take."_

" _I get it. I want to have a better idea of what's going on first. Once I do, I'll come up with a treatment plan and we'll start Natalie on it for a day or two. Once she's on it, and you and your wife both feel comfortable with it, we'll make sure Natalie's stable, and then you guys can head home."_

" _Okay."_

" _I should warn you though. No matter what we find out, your life's about to revolve around Natalie's medical needs. She's not going to get to be a normal kid, maybe for years. I'll be her doctor, yes, but you'll have to learn a lot about her treatment."_

" _I can handle that."_

_Dr. Emerson smiled. "I believe that. I'm gonna come back a little later and we'll get started. Right now, all I want you doing is being with Natalie. Make her feel comfortable. Okay?"_

_Before Sam could answer, Natalie started to giggle again._

" _Daddy! Come pay!"_

" _Go on." Dr. Emerson encouraged._

" _Coming, sweetie."_

" _Hey, Natalie?" Dr. Emerson said. "Can I play with you and Libby a little bit?"_

_Natalie turned to her Daddy, still unsure about the new stranger in the room._

" _It's okay, baby. He's a friend."_

" _Fend?" Natalie asked. She turned to Dr. Emerson. "You Natty fend?"_

" _That's right, sweetheart." Dr. Emerson said. "I'm your friend."_

Dr. Emerson made his way to Natalie's door and walked inside. It was nearly nine, so he was surprised to find her awake and arguing with her father.

"I don't wanna go to sleep."

"Natalie, it's way past your bedtime. This isn't up for debate." Sam answered.

Natalie pouted, a sure sign she was every bit the normal seven-year-old she seemed to be. "Fine."

 _Sam, don't blow this,_ Dr. Emerson thought. He was pleasantly surprised when Sam responded to her pout with a kiss on the cheek.

"You want to stay up until Mommy gets here, don't you?"

Natalie looked back up at her father, her dark eyes pleading. "Yes, please."

"Okay. Will you be okay if Mommy stays and I go home tonight?"

Dr. Emerson saw it, and he prayed Sam did too. Natalie wanted her mommy _and_ daddy, but she didn't want to ask him to stay.

"Hey. If you want me to stay, all you have to do is say so."

"I want you and Mommy." Natalie said quietly.

"Okay." Sam finally turned to Dr. Emerson. "Did you need to talk to me?"

"No. I just came to check on her."

"You mind staying with her and keeping her company while Jackie and I go get some coffee?"

"I don't mind a bit."

Sam turned back to Natalie. "Mommy and I'll be here in no more than thirty minutes, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy."

"I love you, my sweet girl." Sam offered Natalie another kiss and then walked out the door and down the hall.

The second Sam was out the door, Dr. Emerson pulled up a chair next to her bed. "Okay, kiddo. What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Natalie asked, squirming.

"How long have I been your doctor, kiddo?"

"Forever." Natalie said.

Dr. Emerson smiled. To Natalie, it probably would seem like forever, but to him, he felt like she'd been a baby just a few days ago. "That's right. Don't you think I can tell when something's bugging you?"

Natalie frowned. "I have a question. But I don't want you to tell my daddy I asked it."

Intrigued, Dr. Emerson leaned forward slightly. "What's going on?"

"You won't lie to me? Promise?"

"I promise."

"This is it, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

Natalie swallowed. "I feel sicker this time. A lot sicker. If you don't find someone to give me a kidney, I'm gonna die."

The breath left Dr. Emerson's chest. As much as he wanted to tell her that everything would be okay, he couldn't. Natalie's kidney function was virtually nothing. If she had been born like the other ninety-nine point nine percent of people in the world, with two completely functioning kidneys, her failing one would have been taken out months earlier and she likely would've been fine now. But she wasn't. And Natalie was getting far too old and smart to fall for the 'everything will be fine' routine. It wasn't the first time Natalie had asked, and he knew he had to handle the question differently than he had the first time.

_Four Years Old_

" _Okay, Natalie. You ready, sweetie?"_

" _I guess."_

_Dr. Emerson looked up from the clipboard where he'd started the notes for Natalie's checkup. "Uh, oh. What's going on?"_

" _She just got over a little bout with the flu." Sam explained._

" _I see."_

" _I been to doctors every day." Natalie whined. "I want to go home."_

" _Natalie..."_

" _Sam. Stop. It's okay." Dr. Emerson said. He put down the clipboard and turned to Natalie. "Tell me what's bothering you."_

" _Nuffin."_

" _Natalie, talk to him, honey…" Sam pressed._

" _Sam, I think that Natalie would really like a Pop-Tart from the machine down the hall. Wouldn't you?"_

_Both Natalie and Sam looked shocked, but to Dr. Emerson's surprise, Sam didn't argue. Natalie was so shocked that she was being allowed a sugary snack that she said nothing, just watched as her father left the room. Dr. Emerson turned back around and asked,_

" _Okay. Talk to me."_

" _I want to ask you something, but I'm scared."_

" _Scared of what?"_

" _I don't want to tell my Daddy I asked you." Natalie said. "It'll make him sad."_

" _Is it a question about why you're sick?"_

" _Yes."_

" _I won't tell your Daddy, honey. And I won't lie to you." Dr. Emerson said, hoping he wouldn't come to regret this promise._

" _Am I gonna die?"_

" _What?" Dr. Emerson asked. "Honey, why would you ask that?"_

" _Well, Snickey died."_

" _Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie." Dr. Emerson said. Snickey had been the Winchester family's cat. He'd belonged to Jackie for years before she'd even met Sam, so the cat's death didn't surprise him. "What happened?"_

" _He wouldn't wake up. I tried to feed him but I couldn't wake him up. I went to get Daddy and he said that Snickey had been sick and that he died while he was asleep."_

_The pieces started falling into place. "Honey, do you think because Snickey was sick and he died that that's what'll happen to you?"_

" _Yes. Is it?"_

" _Do you trust me?"_

" _What does trust mean?"_

" _Do you believe me when I say I won't lie to you?" Dr. Emerson asked._

_Natalie nodded._

" _I will not let anything bad happen to you." Dr. Emerson promised. "I will do everything I can to make you feel better right now. And I'm gonna work as hard as I have to to make sure that you grow up to be whatever you want to be as a grown-up. Okay?"_

" _Okay."_

" _And I'll make you a deal. If you work with me today, I'll tell your Daddy to let you stay home for three days."_

_Natalie finally smiled. "Really?"  
_

" _Really. As long as you're getting better, I'll tell him you can stay home until the end of the week. You'll only have to come back if you get sick again."_

" _Yay!"_

Dr. Emerson swallowed, and finally addressed Natalie's question.

"Yes, honey. If we don't find a kidney for you, you might die."

Natalie nodded thoughtfully. "Okay. Thank you for telling me."

"Are you scared?"

"Not for me." Natalie answered honestly. "I just don't want my mommy and daddy to be sad."

"Well, I don't want you worrying about that." Dr. Emerson said. "I want you to focus on fighting this for me. You worry about that, and I'll worry about finding you that kidney. Can you do that for me?"

Natalie swallowed. "I don't know if I can." She answered honestly, with tears starting to drip down. "I just feel really bad all the time."

"I know, sweetheart. I know you do." Dr. Emerson said, at a loss for what else to say.

"I don't even know what it's like _not_ to feel sick." Natalie said.

"That's what I'm trying to give you, honey."

"Do you think my daddy would be mad at me?"

"You mean, if you died?"

Natalie nodded. "Yeah. He tries really hard to make me feel better. But it's not working much anymore…"

"Hey. Listen to me. Your daddy and mommy would not be angry with you. They would be incredibly sad without you, but I promise they wouldn't be angry." He then got an idea, and grabbed the small planner Sam kept beside the bed. He found the date he was looking for and circled it with his pen, then showed it to Natalie. "What day is this?"

"My birthday?"

"That's right. It's your eighth birthday. If you hang on for me, and fight as hard as I know you can, I'll throw you the biggest party you've ever seen."

Natalie smiled. "You will?"

"That's right. But you have to do your part. Can you do that?"

"I can do that."

"All right. Good. Start thinking about what you want at the party, okay?"

"What party would that be?" Sam asked as he brought Jackie into the room.

Dr. Emerson said his goodbyes, and made up his mind as he left. _You're going to be healthy at that party, sweetheart._ Natalie's life expectancy if she didn't get a transplant soon was grim. She'd be lucky to live three months. The thought of the party he'd promised Natalie brought up another memory from the year before.

_Six Years Old_

" _Okay, Natalie. I'll be back to check on you."_

_The normally vibrant Natalie didn't answer him, and Dr. Emerson could tell something was wrong._

" _Natalie? You okay, sweetie?"_

" _She's a little upset." Sam answered._

" _Really? Why?"_

_Natalie didn't say anything, so Sam answered. "She got invited to a birthday party today. I told her she couldn't go."_

_The good doctor, who was normally a very patient man, found himself angry. He stood and asked to see Sam in the hallway. Dr. Emerson asked a nurse to sit with Natalie as he closed the door behind them._

" _Why would you not let her go to that party?"_

_Sam stuttered. "I…I thought…"_

" _You thought what? I told you if something happened to call me and I could admit her through emergency later. She'd still get her treatment."_

" _You said that was just for emergencies."_

" _Sam, she needs to be a kid. The party was today?" When Sam nodded, Dr. Emerson said, "It wouldn't have done any damage for her to wait two hours. Hell, it probably would've done her a lot of good to be with kids her own age. Don't ever take something like that from her again without checking with me first. Got it?"_

_Not giving Sam a chance to answer, Dr. Emerson left. That had been the moment he realized that he'd gotten closer to Natalie than any other patient he'd ever had. He cared about her in a way that he had never experienced before. He promised himself then that no matter what he had to do, he would cure Natalie._

It took less than three days before Dr. Emerson received the news. A donor had been found for Natalie. He was a near perfect match, and Dr. Emerson wondered if he was somehow related to Natalie. Since Natalie was adopted, the possibility was there, as remote as it may have been. But he didn't have time to think about that. Dr. Emerson got the wheels in motion. The next day, he broke the news to Sam, and the day after that, he was wheeling Natalie into surgery. After she was under, and just before beginning the surgery, he looked up at the surgical team.

"Alright, folks. Let's give this little girl her life."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ugh. That's all I can say about these last few days you guys. Ugh.**

**This chapter is told from Jackie's point of view. It's not as long as the last few chapters, but does contain a few more flashbacks. I'm planning to write one more, either from the third person point of view or from Dean's, as an epilogue. I'm still working on For Better, For Worse, and should have another chapter up in a couple of days.**

**Stay safe and healthy, everyone!**

Getting up at three in the morning wasn't something that was unusual for Jackie Winchester. It also wasn't uncommon for her to have to get up at every other time of day in order to get to work on time too.

She'd been a nurse for years, doing day shifts, night shifts, and swing shifts. She took whatever shift she could get. Each one had its own advantages and disadvantages. Day shift meant she got home in time for dinner, and still had half a day left to spend with her husband and daughter. Not being a morning person, though, meant that Jackie had to get up early in the morning and drag through most of the morning. Night shift was when Jackie felt the most at home. She got to spend all day with her husband and daughter, but was usually too tired to help around the house much the next day. Swing shift was the weirdest shift to get used to, but thankfully, Jackie wasn't assigned that one too much.

As Jackie moved through the house, tiptoeing so as to avoid waking Natalie, she marveled again at Sam's ability to keep the house organized. Natalie's chore chart was nearly complete for the week, making Jackie smile. Sam changed Natalie's chores up throughout the week for two reasons. It kept her from being bored doing the same chores every day, and Sam could more easily adjust the difficulty of the chores, or even eliminate them altogether, if Natalie was too sick to complete them. When Natalie was too sick to complete her chores for the day, Sam would put a smiley face there to encourage her. If a month went by and she had done all her chores on days when she wasn't sick, Sam would think of a special prize for Natalie.

Jackie finally made it to Natalie's room. At seven, she was beginning to approach the stage of puberty where she wanted some more independence. Natalie had been quite amused on one of her nights off when Natalie had asked for a 'family meeting', where she very politely requested that her parents not come into her room without knocking. That rule, of course, wasn't followed by Sam or Jackie when Natalie was asleep, as she was right now. Jackie very carefully opened the door and peeked inside.

Sometime during the night, Sam had woken up and come into Natalie's room. He was seated in the rocking chair in Natalie's room, holding her. Jackie could see, even in the dim light from the hallway, tear tracks on Natalie's cheek. _She had a nightmare_ , Jackie thought. A small pang of jealousy went through her faster than she could stop it. Natalie always went to her father or sought out her father when something was hurting her or when she didn't feel well. Jackie knew Natalie didn't do that to hurt her mother. She did it because, with their opposite schedules, Sam was home much more often with Natalie than she was.

But, in her heart of hearts, it still hurt.

Jackie walked over to the rocking chair and gently stroked Natalie's cheek. She bent down to kiss Natalie then leaned over to kiss Sam, startling Sam awake. Instinctively, he gripped Natalie tight and started to get into a defensive posture. Natalie whined at the sudden movement, but didn't wake up.

"Whoa. Whoa, Sam, calm down. It's just me."

"Wha…Oh. Hi."

"Hi." Jackie whispered. "Sorry, I was just giving you both a kiss before I left for work."

"You can do better than that, then."

Jackie smiled. "Yes, sir." They shared as passionate a kiss as they could with the sleeping Natalie still under them. "She okay?"

"Bad dream." Sam explained. "I'll tell you about it later."

"Sounds good. I'll see you around three."

"Love you, babe."

"Love you."

As she drove to the hospital with next to no traffic around her, Jackie thought back to the days of Natalie being little. Before they knew she was sick, and they focused on her growing and developing into a normal, healthy kid. As she pulled into the hospital, her phone rang with a video call from home. Natalie's sleepy face filled the screen.

"Hey, baby girl."

"Where are you, Mommy?"

"I'm at work, sweetie." Jackie said. "I just got here. What are you doing up?"

"Just wanted to tell you to have a good day."

"Oh. That's so sweet, honey. Thank you."

"You'll be home tonight?"

"I get off at four, so I'll be home by five at the latest." Jackie promised. "You be good for Daddy today, okay?"

"'Kay, Mommy."

Jackie smiled. "I love you, sweet girl."

"Love you, Mommy."

Once she hung up and was heading up to the fourth floor of the hospital to do her job for the day, she thought back to the first time Natalie had ever said 'I love you' to her. On days like today, when her heart felt heavy for some reason that she couldn't quite identify, it was one of her favorite memories to hold on to.

_Twenty Months Old_

_Jackie parked the car and ran inside the house. Her shift in the pediatric wing had taken a turn for the scary and she'd wanted nothing more for hours than to get home and hold Natalie until long after she went to sleep._

_Early that morning, a little girl had been admitted to the pediatric wing. She was two years old, just a few months younger than Natalie. Jackie had handled all the admission paperwork for the little girl, and since it was a somewhat quiet day, Jackie was able to stay with the parents and help with the sick little girl. She didn't seem that sick to Jackie, but the mother said she had been short of energy and listless for days. At first, it seemed like a bad cold, with the little girl constantly coughing, but when it wasn't getting better after a week, the mother had decided to come to the hospital._

_In what was now one of Jackie's biggest regrets, she'd reassured the little girl's mom she'd done the right thing in bringing her baby girl to the hospital._

_As Jackie parked the car, she finally admitted the little girl's name to herself. Marissa. Marissa was beautiful. She was slightly small for her age, but according to her mother, had been healthy and vibrant and full of life until getting sick just a few days earlier. At the request of the doctor overseeing the case, Jackie spent most of the day with Marissa and her mother, keeping an eye on the young girl in case her condition got worse._

_Finally, an hour or so before Jackie was scheduled to leave for home, the doctor in charge of Marissa's case came back. Marissa had been given a few tests over the course of the day, and the doctor was fairly certain what was wrong with her. She had a bacterial infection, one that was actually fairly common in children her age. The doctor wanted to prescribe an antibiotic, monitor Marissa for a couple of hours, then send her home._

_Marissa was given a dose of the antibiotic. The doctor asked Marissa and her mother to stay for four more hours, until it was time for Marissa's next dose, to make sure she was improving._

_A few minutes later, the trouble began._

_Jackie had left to go help process another patient. She was only a half hour away from heading for home, and she was excited. Every shift she had where she dealt with sick kids made her grateful for her own healthy daughter. Just as she put in the admission paperwork and prepared to gather her things, Marissa's mother came running out of Marissa's room._

_An hour later, after attempts to revive her, Marissa was pronounced dead. She'd had a rare allergic reaction to the antibiotic._

_Even though she knew in her head that it wasn't her fault, Jackie's heart was weighed down with guilt. She'd never forget running back into the room, finding Marissa having a hard time breathing, calling for a code team, and, most heartbreakingly of all, standing in the hallway trying to keep Marissa's mother calm at a time when Jackie could barely hold it together herself._

_Jackie opened the front door and was immediately assaulted by the scent of Sam's cooking. Crockpot beef stew and potatoes. Her favorite. On a normal night, her first thought would be to thank Sam for being a wonderful, considerate, thoughtful husband and making her favorite dinner on a night when she'd worked overtime like this._

_But Jackie saw right away what she was looking for. Natalie was playing in the living room on a blanket. She had a teddy bear in front of her and a plastic toy train she'd been given for her first birthday. Natalie was babbling to her bear while holding the train in front of her. All activity concerning the bear and the train stopped the second Natalie spotted her mother. She broke out into a wide, toothy grin, lifted her arms as high as she could, and bounced up and down._

" _Mama!"_

_Jackie threw her things down by the door and scooped up Natalie before answering. "Oh, my baby. Mommy missed you so much."_

_Sam stepped in from the kitchen and stopped short at the sight of Jackie. She was shaking, pale, and looked distraught. "Hey. What's wrong?"_

" _I'll tell you later." Jackie said. "I just need her right now."_

_Sam nodded. He got it right away. Jackie was usually emotional when she lost a patient during a shift. From the intensity of her reaction, and the way Jackie was holding on to Natalie, the patient she lost must have been a child._

_Jackie held Natalie tightly for another few seconds, until she felt Natalie's small hands on her face._

" _Mama sad?"_

" _Yes, baby." Jackie said. "Mama's very sad."_

" _Nattie wuv you, Mama."_

_Jackie finally smiled. Of all Natalie's milestones, this by far was her favorite. "Mama loves you too."_

" _Mama want 'nother hug?"_

" _I would love that."_

" _You want one from Daddy too?" Sam asked._

" _Yeah." Jackie said, her resolve finally starting to completely crumble. "Yeah, that'd be really nice."_

Jackie's day was busy but fairly normal. A few emergency cases that weren't really emergencies, a minor car accident, a couple of admissions. Jackie felt her phone vibrate almost as soon as she clocked out for a break. It was a text from Sam.

_I'm bringing Natalie in to Dr. Emerson._

Jackie wondered if the time would come when Sam telling her he was taking their daughter to the hospital would worry her. But it was so common that Jackie only had one question.

_Do I need to come?_

_I'll let you know. Right now she just has some swollen hands and feet._

_Let me know._

For the first year and a half or so after Natalie's diagnosis, Jackie had panicked every time Natalie so much as cried. Though she worried about Natalie constantly, she'd learned that panicking each and every time Natalie didn't feel well only served to make them both feel worse. As Jackie and Sam had both come to find out, when they were calm, Natalie was calm. Jackie ate her lunch as she flipped through the pictures of Natalie she kept in her phone, some of her favorite memories resurfacing as she did it.

_Two Weeks Old_

" _Sam, I just talked to the lady at CPS. Natalie can get out of the hospital tomorrow."_

" _Okay. Where will she go?"_

" _Well, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." Jackie said. "I asked her if we could take Natalie, just until they found a permanent family. Assuming it's okay with you."_

_Jackie could see the wheels in Sam's brain turning, but nothing prepared her for his response._

" _She already has a family."_

_Jackie's mouth dropped. "You mean it?"_

" _Yeah. I mean it." Sam said. "She's already found a family."_

" _Oh, Sam!" Jackie grabbed Sam in a hug and kissed him. "You know what this means, though, right?"_

" _What?"_

" _We're Mommy and Daddy now."_

_Two Years Old_

" _Boo."_

" _Very good, Nat. What's this one?" Jackie asked. Sam, sitting next to Jackie on the bed, held up the next flashcard._

" _Wed."_

" _Red. That's right. This one?" Sam asked._

" _Gween!"_

" _Last one." Jackie said. "Get this one right and we'll play at the playground, okay?"_

" _Yay! Nattie go pay Mommy and Daddy!"_

" _That's right." Jackie said, even though she and Sam both were planning to play with her anyway. "What's this one?"_

" _Lellow!"_

" _That's my smart girl."_

_Four Years Old_

_Jackie walked inside and set her things down. She barely had time to turn around before Natalie had jumped into her arms holding her birthday present in one arm and the birthday card Jackie had left for her in the other._

" _Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mommy! I love him!"_

_Jackie laughed. "You're welcome, baby. Happy birthday."_

_Five Years Old_

" _I did it, Mommy!"_

" _You did, baby! I'm proud of you!"_

_Natalie held her bag of goodies from the dentist as if it was a buried treasure. It had been a struggle all week to get Natalie to go. Sam and Jackie had felt guilty on Natalie's fifth birthday when they realized that with all her normal doctor's visits, they'd completely forgotten to ever take her to the dentist. Natalie had been a little afraid, but faced her fear and had never been more proud of herself._

" _That's my big girl." Jackie assured Natalie. "Come on, let's go tell Daddy about it."_

Jackie's normal day turned into an abnormal week. Natalie was being admitted. She had overdone it at her homeschool group and snuck a lot of food. She had to be admitted for dialysis treatment, but that alone wasn't enough this time.

It was now or never. Natalie had to find a kidney.

She and Sam had been through hospital visits before. So often, in fact, there was a routine to them. Jackie would work her shifts like normal, while Sam stayed in the room with Natalie. When Jackie got off, Sam would go home and get a little rest, then come in an hour before Jackie's shift so all three of them could spend some time together as a family.

This hospital stay felt different. Natalie was much more aware of how serious her condition was, so she wasn't easily distracted by platitudes or attempts to keep her mind on other things like schoolwork or playing. Everyone seemed to know that, if Natalie didn't find a kidney, the end was near, but no one wanted to talk about it.

The night before the family got the good news, Jackie did something that used to happen quite frequently. She went to visit her best friend's grave. Tina was also Natalie's biological mother. She'd often wondered how Tina would feel about the way Jackie and Sam had raised Natalie, but never more so than now. Jackie talked with Tina for a few minutes before making her plea.

"Look, I don't know how I feel about the afterlife. But Tina, she's so beautiful. She's so strong. If you're watching out for her, and you can do anything for her, Tee, help us here. We need your help. Help us find someone who can help her grow up, Tee. Please."

The good news came, and as they'd trained themselves to do over and over, Sam and Jackie held in their fear to help Natalie with hers. The surgery was successful, and Natalie was wheeled back to her room. Jackie thought she was done with surprises, but the biggest one was still to come. Natalie's kidney donor was awake and right down the hall. When they stood at the door, Sam suddenly stopped, and said the last word that Jackie expected to hear.

"Dad?" d


	6. Chapter 6

“Come on, Daddy, come on!”

Sam laughed. It had been six months since Natalie’s transplant, and her newly found energy was something both her parents were still getting used to. Natalie woke her parents most days now, eager to get out and do something that she hadn’t been places over able to do before. Jackie had taken a leave of absence over the summer, and the family had taken full advantage of it. Over the course of the summer, Natalie, Sam, and Jackie had gone to the beach, the zoo, back to the beach, back to the zoo, and seen various other tourist attractions and visited other places they found along the way.

But the one thing Natalie wanted was coming. Third grade started in a week. Sam had taken Natalie to get registered the week before, and Natalie had met her teacher. From that point forward, her excitement was unparalleled. She was actually going to school. She would be able to have friends, be around other kids her own age, and be a kid for once.

Sam was ready for that too.

Before Natalie had come into their life, he’d always pictured himself as giving his child or children the childhood he’d never had. Vacations, a stable home, the opportunity to have parents that focused on them rather than the rest of the world. Though, in a way, he’d been able to give all that to Natalie, her childhood so far had been far from normal. She’d spent much of the past year worrying about something Sam hadn’t even worried about until he was two years older than Natalie was now-dying.

It was time to focus on life.

Natalie made it to the front door of Dr. Emerson’s house and knocked on the door feverishly. The doctor and Sam and Jackie had stayed good friends. The doctor had insisted that Sam call him Alan, and Sam was trying to remember that, but it was hard. For Sam, calling him Dr. Emerson was a way of honoring what he’d done for them. Not only had he saved Natalie’s life, but he’d saved Sam’s family in the process.

The door opened and Natalie jumped into the arms of the first friend she’d ever made. Dr. Emerson lifted her up and spun her around, then greeted Sam and Jackie as they came up. He ushered the family inside, making Natalie sit on the couch and stay there before going anywhere.

Natalie was looking around, trying not to look too disappointed. Her parents had told her earlier that they were going to Dr. Emerson’s house to have dinner and celebrate her birthday. She remembered the promise he’d made her months earlier, and it had been what she looked forward to. In the weeks following her kidney transplant, when she’d still been dealing with soreness and a little nausea, she’d dreamed about her eighth birthday party. But there were no birthday decorations up, no presents anywhere in sight, nothing to show that her birthday was anything special. It hurt Natalie’s feelings a lot, but she knew she needed to be polite.

“How’s the birthday girl doing?”

“Good.” Natalie said quietly.

“Yeah?” Dr. Emerson asked. “You don’t sound too good.”

“I am. I promise.” Natalie smiled.

“Well, I’m glad. But I think there’s something in the backyard for you.”

Natalie’s smile grew wide and much more sincere. “Really? What?”

“You can go take a look in a minute. But there’s another surprise for you right there in the hallway.”

Natalie turned to where her parents had been standing just moments before. Sam and Jackie stepped aside and Natalie squealed in delight before jumping up and running to what she thought was her birthday surprise.

“GRANDPA! UNCLE DEAN!”

Sam moved aside to let Natalie grab her grandfather and uncle in a hug. Just four months earlier, the thought of his daughter giving his father and brother a hug had seemed something far away and impossible to grasp. The distance between Sam and his family, the chasm that had been driven between them, had seemed impossible to traverse, let alone heal. But Sam was grateful it was.

John chuckled. It had been a long time since he’d had a child so excited to see him. “Hi, sweetheart.”

“I missed you, Grandpa.”

“I missed you too, little one.”

“Natalie? Would you like to see your surprise now?” Jackie asked.

She was almost as excited as Natalie was. Dr. Emerson had carefully hidden the big surprise from her and Sam just like he had from Natalie.

“Yeah! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

Sam laughed as Dean joked, “You sure she hasn’t eaten any cake yet?”

“There’s cake?” Natalie asked.

“Of course there’s cake. Wouldn’t be much of a birthday party without one, would it?” Dr. Emerson said. “But that’s not the surprise. Come open the back door.”

Sam watched as Natalie went to the back door, grabbed the knob, and turned it slowly. Sam would never forget her reaction. For the first few seconds after opening the door, Natalie’s eyes grew wide and she said nothing. Her mouth gaped open and she eventually hopped up and down and screamed in delight before running outside.

Sam and Jackie’s reaction as they stepped outside nearly mirrored Natalie’s. Dr. Emerson had hired a mobile petting zoo. There were a few sheep, two donkeys, a horse, a few rabbits, and various other soft and fluffy animals for Natalie to enjoy. Set far away from the petting zoo was a table, decorated with a large sheet cake, some cupcakes, and a few neatly wrapped presents. On top of the table were the presents that Sam and Jackie had dropped off a few days earlier, plus a few others that had been added to the mix. Natalie was running in every direction, not sure where to start first. Once all the adults had come outside with her, laughing at her seemingly superhuman excitement.

Sam was barely containing a laugh when he called Natalie over. “Come here, honey.”

Natalie ran back to her father, still vibrating and pointing back behind. “Daddy, look…”

“I see it, honey.” Sam said.

“I don’t even know where to start.” Natalie squealed again, starting to run back to the animals.

“How about…” Sam suggested, grabbing Natalie’s arm gently and pulling her back to him, “we start by saying thank you?”

Natalie looked up at Dr. Emerson, her eyes shining with pure, unadulterated joy. “Thank you! This is better than I even thought it could be!”

Dr. Emerson laughed. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

“How about we do cake and presents first?” Sam suggested. “That way we can spend as much time with the animals as you want.”

“Okay!” Natalie exclaimed. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

“We’ll be right there. Wait for us, okay?”

“Grandpa, uncle De, will you go with me?” Natalie asked. “I promise I won’t sneak any cake.”

“While your dad’s looking.” Dean stage whispered and winked, making Natalie giggle.

“I heard that. But go on. We’ll be right there.” Sam said. Natalie took John and Dean’s hand and practically dragged the both of them over to the table. Sam turned back to Dr. Emerson. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I did. I promised her…” Dr. Emerson started to explain, before realizing that he’d promised Natalie to keep it confidential.

“Promised her what?” Jackie asked.

Dr. Emerson sighed. He was torn. Natalie had told him her fear in confidence, and he didn’t want to break her trust. But he figured that, since the conversation had been months earlier, Sam and Jackie wouldn’t tell Natalie anything.

“She told me this in confidence, so you guys can’t tell her I said anything.”

“What is it?” Jackie asked.

“The week she was in the hospital? Before the transplant? Sam left to go have some coffee with you and it was just the two of us. Natalie was…worried. Really worried.”

“Worried about what?” Sam asked, afraid that he already knew.

Dr. Emerson considered coming up with something else, but decided the truth was the best way to go. “She was worried she was going to die.”

Sam and Jackie just frowned and looked at each other, before sneaking a peak at Natalie. Natalie called her parents again, begging them to hurry up so she could eat her cake. Dean tried to sneak a finger full of frosting and eat it, only to be rewarded by Natalie’s protest and John lightly slapping the back of his head and playfully reprimanding him for it. Dean finally picked up the lightweight Natalie and swung her around, making her squeal in delight. He then passed the dizzy Natalie on to John, who held her and tickled her. After watching the scene for a few seconds, Jackie asked without taking her eyes off Natalie,

“What does the party have to do with that?”

“I promised Natalie that if she fought, really fought and did her best to get healthy, I’d throw her the biggest birthday party any eight-year-old had ever had.”

Sam chuckled. “You certainly did that. Thank you. I mean that. This is great.”

“We better get over there before she explodes.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Sam agreed.

The party finally got underway. Sam halfheartedly asked Natalie not to overdo it, but the newly minted eight-year-old feasted not only on cake, but cookies that she’d gotten as a present, chips, and soda. Jackie took his hand and whispered in his ear that they’d have every day for the rest of Natalie’s life to stop her from overdoing it. _Let her have today,_ Jackie whispered.

So Sam did.

And he never regretted it. Natalie ate, played, petted the animals in the petting zoo that Dr. Emerson had hired, and even rode the horse around for a while. Dean had found one of Natalie’s wishes, a brand new dress, and Natalie insisted on changing into it and taking ‘lots of pictures’.

Towards the end of the night, while Jackie was taking her own turn on the horse, Natalie had finally started to calm down. John noticed that she was quiet, much quieter than he’d seen her in the months since the two of them had been officially introduced. Natalie had wandered over to the back porch and sat down as the rest of the adults had a good time. Sam seemed to notice too, but John simply shook his head and pointed to himself. _Let me take care of it._ Sam nodded and John walked over. Natalie only acknowledged his presence by changing her position slightly to make it easier for him to sit.

“You okay?” John asked when Natalie didn’t speak.

“Yes, sir.” Natalie replied quietly.

“You sure? You got really quiet all of a sudden.”

Natalie sighed. “I’m just worried.”

“What are you worried about?”

“Starting school next week.” Natalie answered.

“I see.” John said. “What worries you about it?”

Natalie shrugged a little bit, then thought about her answer. “I’ve never been to school before. What if nobody likes me? Or they pick on me because I was sick for so long? Or I don’t do good in school and make bad grades? What if…?”

“Hold it, sweetheart. Listen to me. It’s okay to be scared. It really is. But you can’t spend a lot of time with the ‘what ifs’. It’s a waste of time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you are a very smart kid. You’ll do great in school. You made good grades with your dad teaching you, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but he’s my daddy.” Natalie objected. “It’ll be different with a teacher.”

“If your daddy’s anything like he was when he was a kid, I think it’ll be easier for you to have a teacher.”

Natalie smiled. “Really?”

“Really.” John assured her. “As for the other things you’re worried about? You’ve got another chance here kiddo. If you’re worried about getting picked on for being sick, then just don’t tell anyone. If anyone does pick on you, or bullies you, your uncle and I can teach you how to defend yourself. But I think you’ll have a good time at school. Just give it a chance. Okay?”

“Okay. I will.”

“That’s my good girl.” John smiled. “Did you like your birthday party?”

That question brought the smile back to Natalie’s face. She looked up at her grandpa and his heart stopped for a moment at how much Natalie looked like her father. Maybe it was a trick of John’s memory, but he could’ve sworn that Natalie was even missing the same tooth that Sam had been missing on his eighth birthday.

How badly John missed that time in Sam’s life.

_So do it over again_ , a voice in his head whispered. A voice that sounded suspiciously like his wife Mary.

“I loved my birthday party.” Natalie answered. “Hey, Grandpa?”

“Yes, smart girl?”

“I know you told me not to say it again. But thank you.” Natalie said. “For giving me your kidney.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

“Is it okay if I’m still a little scared? About school, I mean?”

“It’s okay to be scared, sweetie.” John assured her. “It’s what you do with that fear that matters.”

“Do you have to leave soon, Grandpa? Can you stay with us for a little while?”

John smiled. “I could try. I can’t promise though.”

“Will you go to my first day of school with me?” Natalie asked. “Please?”

“Aren’t your mom and dad going?” John asked. “It’ll be a little crowded with three people, won’t it?”

“I don’t want you to stay the whole day. I’m not a baby going to kindergarten. I just want you to go there with us. Drop me off. Please?”

John smiled again. It seemed he was doing that a lot more lately since he’d come back into Sam’s life and met Natalie. He liked it.

“I’ll be there, kiddo.”

Natalie smiled and grabbed another hug from her grandfather. John had intimidated her a little when they first met, but no more. Now, to Natalie, he was as cuddly as her teddy bears. The family stayed over at Dr. Emerson’s for a few more hours. No one wanted to leave. It was as close to a perfect day as any of them had known. When the movie they watched that night was over (which, of course, Natalie had picked because it was her birthday), Sam looked over to tell her it was time to leave and head home. But he never got the chance.

There were two couches in the living room of Dr. Emerson’s house. On one of them sat Dr. Emerson, Sam, and Jackie. On the other sat Dean and John. Natalie, who had started the movie sitting in John’s lap, had, at some point, laid down and fallen asleep with her head in John’s lap and her feet in Dean’s.

“Hey, guys.” Dr. Emerson whispered. “I’ve got a guest room. Why don’t you crash here?”

“You’ve already done so much.” Jackie answered. “We couldn’t impose like that.”

“If it was an imposition I wouldn’t have asked.” Dr. Emerson said. “You two take the guest room. Dean can sleep on this couch, your dad can sleep on the other one, and you guys can take Natalie in the guest room with you.”

Sam looked to Jackie. “It would be a lot easier than dragging her home and putting her in bed. She won’t wake up if I pick her up, but she will if we put her in the car.”

Jackie sighed. “You’re right.”

“Then it’s settled. Come on, we’ll get you set up.”

“On one condition.” Jackie whispered. “You let _us_ take care of breakfast in the morning.”

“No argument from me. Let’s go.”

Half an hour later, Sam and Jackie were lying in bed, Natalie sleeping between them. It was well after midnight, and though her party had been the day before, her real birthday was that day. Sam noticed Jackie staring at Natalie too.

“What are you thinking?” Sam mouthed to Jackie.

Jackie simply smiled. “She made it.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. She did.” Sam kissed Natalie’s cheek and whispered, “Happy eighth birthday, Natty.”


End file.
